Sea Ranch

I recently returned from a vacation to the northern California coast at a place called the Sea Ranch. It is a beautiful 10 mile area along the cliffs of the ocean on one side and redwood forests on the other. Growing up, Sea Ranch was a wonderful place where my parents took my siblings and me, and it was fun to be able to allow my two boys to enjoy it.
One evening, I sat alone on the beach, my feet in the sand near where the tide came in. I felt the breeze on my skin and listened to the waves crash off shore. It was so peaceful and calming to me.
I felt that in such a state, some great wisdom should come to me. I waited and listened, and waited and listened. My thoughts were only, “I’m sitting here in the sand and can’t see a dang thing!” Well, that certainly wasn’t anything new or wise. But, that reality led me to think about my life in the dark and my hope in the resurrection. I wouldn’t always have physical troubles. They will end. The things I wish I could see, like the powerful waves crashing right in front of me, wouldn’t be lost forever. I would some day see things more beautiful than the ocean and beech. If I endure well, I will see the Lord. I recommitted to myself to be more patient and faithful- to keep going.

I’m grateful for my knowledge of Jesus Christ and my hope in him which helps me move forward.
Elder Orson F. Whitney said: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven” (quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, 98). So, we'll keep on keeping on. Grin.

Summer Challenge

The month of June has been a tough one for me. I have had some health problems-nothing huge- and have not felt much like posting. However, I am pulling out of the hole of illness and hope to be finding my personality again.
My Relief Society has issued another invitation. In order to prepare for October General Conference, we will be studying the previous Conference. Join me in taking this challenge. We’ll read 3 talks each week and share what we learn, think, and feel. Sound good?
I’ve already read this week’s assigned talks and especially loved Elder Uchtdorf’s address. One thing that really hit me is that when I show impatience, I am manifesting selfishness. Ouch! So, this morning I have really been working on being more patient with my boys. So far, so good. Well, I did have one little slip up.
Let me know what you learn.

Summer CHALLENGE
May 2010 Conference Addresses

Week of: July 4 Faith Welcome to Conference (4)
The Rock of Our Redeemer (16)
Continue in Patience (56)
July 11 Virtue Remember Who You Are! (120)
Video Presentation: I Have (123)
July 18 Adversity Turn to the Lord (78)
All Things Work Together for Good (101)
Your Happily Ever After (124)
July 25 Values “And Upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit” (10)
Our Path of Duty (13)
When the Lord Commands (38)
Act in All Diligence (60)
Aug 1 Values Preparation Brings Blessings (64)
Developing Good Judgment and Not Judging Others (103)
Be of a Good Courage (114)
Never, Never, Never Give Up! (117)
Aug 8 Family: Children Help Them on Their Way Home (22)
Watching with All Perseverance (40)
That Our Children Might See the Face of the Savior (81)
Aug 15 Family: Children Our Duty to God: The Mission of Parents and Leaders (95)
Things Pertaining to Righteousness (106)
Tell Me the Stories of Jesus (108)
Aug 22 Family: Motherhood Mothers and Daughters (18)
Mothers Teaching Children in the Home (29)
Mother Told Me (98)
Aug 29 Priesthood the Power of the Priesthood (6)
Healing the Sick (47)
The Magnificent Aaronic Priesthood (54)
Sept 5 Service When the Lord Commands (38)
“You Are My Hands” (68)
Sept 12 Additional Doctrine The Blessing of Scripture (32)
The Divine Call of a Missionary (51)
Sept 19 Additional Doctrine Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul (44)
Generations Linked in Love (91)
Sept 26 Jesus Christ He Lives! All Glory to His Name! (75)
We Follow Jesus Christ (83)
He Is Risen! (87)
A Word at Closing (112)

Conference October 2nd and 3rd

Hope In Good Things to Come

I have been writing another book and thought you might like a sneak peak. Here's one of my chapters. What do you think?

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After n hour, we finally arrived at our family reunion in a canyon near Salt Lake City, and I had one thing on my mind. I had to find the restroom.
Before we joined my husband’s family members around the camp fire, we detoured into the cabin. I opened the bathroom door, then closed and locked it. I leaned my cane in the corner, and got all ready to sit on the toilet. However, as I was sitting down, I reached out my hand to find the toilet, and instead, felt…a head of hair! Needless to say, I yanked up my pants extremely quickly.
Noting the altitude of the head, I deduced that it was a young head, and was probably a bit disturbed by what had flashed before its eyes. Trying to reassure my new friend, I inquired, “Was that scary?”
“Uh-huh.”
It spoke! The head could speak! Why it hadn’t found its voice earlier, I’m not sure, but I was glad to hear it nonetheless. After apologizing, I left my bathroom buddy, and walked out to the group- shaking my head in disbelief. When they saw me approach, the family asked me what was wrong.
“I’ll pay for therapy.” I said. “Some little girl in the bathroom is going to need it.”
You know, being able to look behind you does have its advantages.
I am amazed at the situations I get myself into. So many embarrassing things wouldn’t happen if only I could see. As things stand, however, I guess I’ll continue collecting experiences for my stand-up comedy routine.
But, not all my experiences are funny. There have been times that have been so difficult and discouraging, that I’ve longed to have my life back the way it was before my cancer and blindness. I miss the woman I used to be, and the things I was able to do.
I look back to my days of light, and wish things had turned out differently. Do you, like me, ever suffer from the “If only” syndrome? It is so easy to look to our past and say, “If only this or that hadn’t happened, then…”, “Why didn’t I…?”, or “Why did I…?”
Sure, we can benefit by remembering lessons learned, and good times we’ve had, but too much looking back can damage our spiritual eye sight. If we focus on mistakes, wallow in guilt or regret, hold tightly to grudges, or long for what has been lost, then our eyes are again removed from the Light. Our vision dims, and our progression slows.
It may be extremely difficult to move beyond sadness, anger or bitterness caused by past events. But, if we remain stuck in those emotions, we forfeit light which can lead us forward. It works the same when we long for the good days of the past. We may not live fully in today because yesterday was easier or happier.
“…I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experi¬enced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives” ( Brigham Young University 2008-2009 Speeches, Remember Lot’s Wife, Jeffrey R. Holland
13 January 2009).
I love the truth that faith points us, and helps us to move forward. Faith in Jesus Christ promises hope for good things to come. It brings meaning to our struggles, and offers courage to continue through dark times. Faith in Jesus Christ is light.
My life is definitely not easy, and I don’t like living every day in darkness. But my faith in my Savior leads me to have hope in what lies ahead. I invite you to allow Christ to hold and heal pain from the past. Allow his sacrifice to pay for sin- your own and those who have hurt you. Point yourself forward with hope in a loving God who wants your happiness. This takes work, of course, but our faith will bring the needed strength found through and in the atonement.
It’s true that I miss those far off days of light, but I know that the woman I was had not been polished enough to someday sit with my Savior and the Father. I needed to grow more. I needed to become more. Although I thought I would never again be happy after I went blind, my hope in Christ has brought me to a much better place- a place where joy still exists.
Whether our past is filled with sadness or joy, we cannot dwell there. This life is all about progression, and our individual growth will come as we keep our eyes firmly facing forward, not backward. Have hope. There is joy and happiness ahead. There are good things to come.

Grattitude

Today, I finished The Book of Mormon. I made it through Moroni 9, which I never like to read. It hurts my heart to hear how horrible both the Lamanites and the Nephites behaved.
But, I found an answer to prayer amidst the yuck. Mormon writes to Moroni by saying, “let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God” (Moro. 9:6).
I’ve been really struggling lately as a mother. One of my sons is going through a difficult time and it affects the whole family and atmosphere of our home. I also home school him, and it is like pulling teeth to get him to do anything. I wonder if my efforts are making any difference. Some days, I just want to give up. It feels like every moment is filled with disrespect and contention. However, it is nothing compared to the atmosphere in which Mormon and Moroni lived.
I know that I must “labor diligently” and not cease, even when I don’t see results of my labors. I’m grateful for the grace of Christ spoken about in Moro. 10:32. I know that “his grace is sufficient” to help me in this situation and to help my son as well. I’ll continue pleading for that grace to help me through this difficult time.
This time, as I’ve studied the Book of Mormon, I have again felt gratitude and love for the truths in it. These truths can and do help me to stay on the path of righteousness. This book is like an old friend that I love spending time with. I know what’s coming next, and yet the Spirit brings different verses to my attention that I am in need of at the moment they’re needed. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to listen to the words that have been preserved to lead me back to Christ. Now, I’ll begin again.

"I will not deny the Christ"

Well, the Nephites and the Jaradites are destroyed now. It doesn’t matter how many times I read The Book of Mormon, they always die. I’m saddened as I read and see their change from depending on the Lord, to hating those that believe in Christ.
Needless grief must have filled the souls of those 24 Nephites that stood on the hill and witnessed the annihilation of their people. No wonder Mormon mourns and records his mourning. His words should stand as a warning to us in our day to choose only Christ. If only his people would have stayed true, they would have been spared and even protected.
The people of Jarad end up in the same boat (after the barges, of course). They too seek to kill the prophets and turn their backs on the Lord. It seems incredible to me that they would rather die than repent.
Then, we have Moroni who has fought for his people, and watched them die. He then writes the words of the Book of Ether, and sees their destruction as well. He knows the perils of believing in Christ- the LamanittesLamanites are killing all who believe. Yet he declares, “ And I, Moroni, will not deny the Christ” (Moro. 1:3).
What a fantastic example and disciple of the Savior. Whereas his people would rather die than repent, Moroni would rather die than deny the Christ.
I am grateful for Moroni for enduring faithfully, and suffering loneliness and grief so that we could have the truthfulness of the gospel found in the Book of Mormon. He surely played a vital role in its coming forth.

In The Lord's Hands

Thank you to Audrey for sharing a little part of her story with us.

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“in early 2003, i was pregnant with my third child. the whole pregnancy was something of a spiritual experience. i had known all along that something was different. i could feel myself being prepared, and ,thoughts that seemed crazy at the time, raced through my mind about the potentials of what i could be facing. I, like most pregnant mothers, had a routine 20 week ultrasound scheduled, but this time i wasn’t anxious to race off to find out "what i was having"- as if thats the reason behind that test. So, i canceled my apt without even knowing why for sure. i rescheduled it for about a week later, with no real apparent explanation.
the day finally arrived and i felt as though i was headed to a funeral. the day itself was dark and gloomy and it paralleled my feelings. i was desperately concerned and even at that point, feared the baby (who was actually still moving inside me) was dead.
On the way into the hospital, i saw a few women outside- clearly pregnant- heading inside. one had just finished smoking, and i felt a surge of severe anger that her baby was healthy and mine was not. i felt very judgemental and angry. as i looked around the waiting room, that anger continued to grow as i began to dwell on how unfair this was. looking backwards with hindsight i of course see that my hand was far more blessed then theirs and guilt now surges my veins.
It didnt take long for the emotions on the technicians face to translate into concern. i quickly noticed the awkwardness of my babies feet and promptly started asking questions. i overwhelmed and scared her right out of the room. A tall lanky doc appeared and started reviewing her pics and taking his own, i over inundated him with questions. until he finally turned off the machine and quietly said, i think your baby has spina bifida and some other deformities. the rest was a blur. i started crying and, of course, so did nate. But i cried with relief that the unknown had become known and, that i now could focus on the task at hand, and move on.

he gave us a few min and then we met him down the hall in his office to talk about treatment plans. in this man's office, i learned how involved the Lord had been; how is hand had so intricately placed people and places in the right times and moments. the week prior when my apt was supposed to occur, this doc had been at a fetal surgery conference for the opening of a study called MOMS, for spina bifida fetal treatment. had i gone when i was supposed to, this particular doc would have been away and i would have met with a colleague instead. He had only been back one day, and the study itself would open for enrollment the following day. here was a treatment option placed intricately and timely in our laps.

as difficult as it was to take in the prognosis of what we were facing and what it meant, as bleak as it was and as emotionally devastated as we were, neither my husband or i could deny the presence and participation of the Lord. That office that day was a holy place for us."

Everlasting Kindness

I am so grateful for the kindness of the Lord. I have loved reading again how he ministered to the troubled people of 3 Nephi after the massive destruction following his death. I can only imagine the terror that must have filled their hearts and minds as storms raged, the land changed, darkness enveloped, and their loved ones perished. Christ appeared to them, allowed them to feel the wounds in his body, gave the disciples power to baptize, taught them, provided the sacrament for them, healed their sick and ministered to their little children. He must have provided so much hope and comfort for them.
In chapter 22, Christ speaks about the gathering of Israel, and uses such words of love, saying, “but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed” (v. 10). With “mercy” (v. 8) and everlasting kindness” (v. 8) he will gather his people. Several times, Christ tells the people of Israel –as well as us- not to fear, but to trust that he will be there.
So many times in my life, I have found this to be true. He has not left me alone, but has shown me mercy and such everlasting kindness. I am so grateful for and depend upon his love and mercy. Without his kindness, there would be no way to make hard times into places of holiness.