Hard Times and Holy Places

It Matters!

2012-01-27T16:29:00.001-08:00

Well, it’s Friday once again, and I’m wondering what I’ve done with my week. Ever feel like that? Of course, I’ve done tons, but looking back, which of it really matters? The things that are truly important, seem to be the things we down play. Take motherhood for example. When some one asks what you do, do you feel unimportant because all you do all day is take care of mundane things around the house, or care for little ones? These things don’t seem to measure as important on the world’s scale.I mean, this week, I’ve made tons of meals (most of which the kids won’t eat), done a gazillion loads of laundry, and cleaned the house so Many times I have lost track. The things we do for our families, whether our family consists of one or twelve are vitally important! No one usually says, “Wow! Thanks for cleaning up!” Or, if you have babies, how many times do you get thanked for all those blow outs you’ve changed? How many days do you wish some one would show appreciation or tell you what a wonderful job you are doing? I know that I wish I heard more reassurance that what I spent my time doing was of worth. So, to you and to myself, thanks for all your hard work! You might have a job during the day and have to come home to yet more work. You might live alone and never hear how awesome you are. You might be drowning in diapers and whining children, wondering if the chaos will ever end. You may be married, yet need your spouse to appreciate your efforts more. Where ever you are, what you do matters! What you and I do is part of Father’s plan. Whether or not we hear it, it is important! Thanks for sharing my personal pep talk.Now, let’s go make dinner!

Fear

2012-01-25T12:54:00.001-08:00

What kinds of fears do you have? Are they paralyzing fears that keep you from doing things you want to do? Are they small and easy to get over? How do you work through fear and worry?I had a smallish situation to deal with today that reminded me that fear can really get in the way of our progression, even physical health. I mean, I just got back from the pediatrist’s office where I had to get a steroid shot in both heels. I knew it would hurt because I had the same procedure done a few months ago. So, it took some effort to get the problem resolved. I made myself go into the doctor, take my shoes off, and stick my feet out for him to hurt. I didn’t want to do it! I don’t like pain. Still, I knew I needed to get the shots in order for my problem pain to decrease. You’ll be glad to know that I managed to do it without kicking the doctor.The kind of small pain I experienced today is infinitesimal compared to the excruciating amounts I’ve had in the past, yet anticipating any kind of pain can be too much. Sometimes, the anticipation is more strenuous than the actual experience; however, our fear is real. I am currently writing a book on fear, and would love your feedback and help. What kinds of things, experiences, situations, etc. do you fear? Do you fear for a child, yourself, about finances, health, what will happen after a divorce or loved one’s death…?How do you get through your fears? What would help you overcome fear in your life?

Daily Bread

2012-01-23T08:10:00.000-08:00

This was shared with me this weekend, and I thought it was filled with hope. The talk that is referenced is fabulous! I hope it offers help to you in times of need.”Elder CHRISTOFFERSON’S TALK was given last year about this time and it has been our guide the past year. I read it after the CES fireside he gave it at, then that night sat my husband down to watch it. As we sat together, we felt this strong feeling surround us. There was a glow around the computer and it was as if Elder Kristofferson was speaking only to us, the feeling was pliable. It was an amazing experience. I have listened to it over and over the past year. The only way we have survived the past year is from the mercy of the Savior giving us day by day our "daily bread". At times it was only a morsel, enough to get us to the next day. With no income for months and savings depleted we went quite a while wondering how to make it all work. It was a difficult thing to experience but an amazing lesson to learn. One that has strengthened my faith and trust in my Savior and His care of me and His answers to my pleadings. No words can express what has gone on in our lives the past few years, to say the least it has been gut wrenching, but so far we have made it because of the grace of Jesus Christ and we are stronger for it. As you can tell, that talk has changed my life!! It is my all time favorite. I hope it can propel you forward as well and I hope you can be blessed with the daily bread you need to keep you and your family fed - physically and spiritually!”http://lds.org/liahona/2012/01/recognizing-gods-hand-in-our-daily-blessings?lang=eng

Things I Know Are True

2012-01-19T19:47:00.000-08:00

I was recently asked to write down my feelings about Christ and his gospel.http://mormonwomentestify.org/?p=63

How Are You Feeling Today?

2012-01-19T14:06:00.000-08:00

It’s so much easier to talk and write about things that have occurred in the past, rather than how I’m feeling right now. I guess it is because the emotions are so real when I’m in the moment, as opposed to just remembering what and how I felt. That’s how it is with writing a blog. As I’ve written before, I began this blog thinking that tons of readers would share their personal experiences of how their trials have become places of holiness. While a few have shared such experiences, most of the posts, contrary to my well laid plans, have been up to me. I want my posts to be meaningful to my readers, and offer encouragement and hope. Therefore, I’m continually writing in my head about little things I notice or think of, but it’s a challenge to always feel like posting. Some days, I’m not happy. Some days I’m just plain discouraged or depressed. Who wants to share that side with the world? But, I’ve come to some realizations lately as I have done some self evaluating. I can’t always be on my game, and it’s alright to show that side of myself. Now, don’t worry. My posts aren’t all of a sudden going to me downers; however, I am going to try to share some feelings, thoughts, and emotions that I am currently feeling instead of the more comfortable experiences from the past. Most of the time, I do pretty well being happy, but then there are those other times. Being blind is inconvenient, but usually it doesn’t stand in my way much. Lately, however, I’ve struggled. It seems like the darkness I experience from blindness has gone deeper. It’s hard to throw off feelings of sadness and discouragement. I think there is a misconception that if you are faithful and righteous, you always feel happy. It is true that true joy comes from living the gospel of Jesus Christ, and making wrong choices leads to misery. Yet, we aren’t promised that we will continually feel this massive feeling of happiness. There is definitely “opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11), and there will be times when we feel sad or upset. That doesn’t mean we’ve lost our testimony, or done something incredibly wrong. It is just another chance to turn to Christ, to trust him, to need him. When I am down and need comfort, reassurance or strength, I love to read 2 Ne. 4. In this chapter, we see a different side of Nephi. We don’t see him with Laban’s sword, building a ship, or rebuking his brothers. We see the tender, vulnerable Nephi, who is turning to Christ for needed strength. He’s also reminding himself of the goodness of God, and talking himself through the feelings he has. This is a great example to me. Nephi, strong and mighty Nephi, the prophet that “will go and do” (1 Ne. 3:7), shows that it is alright to be sad. It is alright to realize how much we are in need of help from the Savior. I am so grateful that Nephi recorded his feelings, and taught us that his source for strength was Jesus Christ. Like Nephi, I know that Christ can lead us through the dark times. He experienced exactly what we now feel, and will continually be there to aid us in our journey to true joy. “O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.” “O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.” “Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen” (2 Ne. 4:3-35).

Where Did I Put My Shoes?

2012-01-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

Unlike many women, I hate to shop, and I hate new shoes. Blasphemy, I know. Most of you are reeling in shock. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love new things. I love the feeling of looking great in some fabulous outfit, but I’d rather have my gums scraped then go into a crowded store, not being able to see any of the merchandise, and be surrounded by staring people and lots of noise. Man, I need a personal shopper! To me, new shoes just don’t feel as comfy as my old worn in ones. So, I usually resist buying new shoes.When I heard about Time Out for Women’s shoe party, and what roles our shoes represent, it took some pondering to determine the symbolism in my closet, or under my bed, or wherever I have left my shoes. Dang it! Where did I put my shoes? First, I have my black flats- some dressy some not. They are flat mainly because in heels, I’d be over six feet tall and, now that I’m blind, I’d trip and spend more time face down on the pavement then actually walking. One pair I wear with my TOFW outfits, black because I seem to be drawn to the slimming effect of black clothes. I’m not sure I want to evaluate that topic right now, but nevertheless, I love black.One of my roles is as an inspirational speaker/author. I absolutely love this role! In my black flats, I have traveled across the US and to several cities in Canada. I can’t express the blessing this has been to me. I have met incredible, faithful women who carry humongous burdens, yet trust in the Lord. I have been able to share my story of heartbreak and laughter, and have had the privilege of testifying of the love and power Christ has given me in, literally, the darkest days of my life. I bet Dorothy’s rubie red shoes never carried her on such an adventure. Another pair of my black flats I wear to church. In them, I have taught the Gospel Doctrine class for five years. I’ve loved that calling. I have learned so much about the scriptures and, through them, Jesus Christ., Each week, in my flats; I’ve enjoyed discussing the gospel with my friends in the congregation.Now I get to wear them to Primary, a place I never wanted to wear them. But, isn’t it interesting how we get pushed out of our comfort zones as we accept callings? I trust Heavenly Father that Primary is now the right place for me, and I’ll serve willingly. My tan, furry lined boots are an interesting study. They go nearly to my knees and I wear them when I have to brave the snow. I feel kind of like a Clydesdale horse in them, but I’d rather not get that darn cold white stuff next to my skin, so I wear them. These boots might represent something profound that I’ve never considered before. You see, I’m a California girl. I know, I don’t look like Barbie, and my skin is a bit pasty, but I actually did grow up in Northern California. Winters there got cold, but not like Utah. It snowed all of two times during my growing up years, and that snow didn’t last. It’s what they’d call here in Utah, a “skiff” (a strange little made up word that means just a little snow). Back to my boots- I think they represent my willingness to follow my husband, and live in the cold and snowy Utah rather then in my beloved warm California. Sure, it can be scary trying to walk blindly in the snow and ice, but I do so because I love James. This is where we feel that Heavenly Father wants us to be. This is where we feel we need to raise our family. Naturally, I would rather trade in those boots for flip-flops and sand, but for now, I brave the snow. Come to think of it, I hate flip-flops! They give me toe wedgies. My gym shoes represent my weakness as a mortal. Usually, they give me guilt. Even though I can’t see them, I feel them staring at me every day, saying, “You really should put me on your feet and walk. You’re getting fatter and fatter! Put me on and let’s get to it!” Some days, I hate those darn shoes! They remind me of my weaknesses and how I feel towards my body. Yet, I know it is a process to master self as well as that self’s excuses. Some days, I love my work out shoes. I love the feeling after I have exercised. I feel like I have accomplished a huge feat with my huge feet! The real me is represented by my bare feet. They are callused and sore, but I prefer to go barefoot than to wear shoes. It sounds weird, but I see a lot with my feet, and shoes block my vision.My feet have gotten me through a whole lot in my life. They’ve taken me door-to-door on my mission in Kentucky/Indiana/Ohio, and have allowed me to teach the gospel to many people. My feet have walked all over campus as I studied for what seemed like eons at BYU. My feet have supported my body in recovery after recovery from illness, surgeries, near death pregnancies, cancer, etc. My feet have walked in the dark, helping me trust God to move forward both literally and figuritvely. My feet have carried me as I’ve labored day after day to take care of my family, to cook, clean, do laundry, comfort/love children and so much more. My feet have taken me to the temple where I have made sacred covenants with and worshiped my God. And my feet will someday take me before the wounded feet of my Savior, where I will bow before him in gratitude and awe. I am incredibly thankful for my feet, my shoes, and for the roles I have right now in my life. I don’t know where my feet will take me next, or what shoes I’ll be wearing, but I trust that the Lord will be walking right along side me every step of the way.

I have to be honest. New Year’s resolutions stress me out! Oh, I’m all for new beginnings and setting goals for self improvement. It’s just that I seem to be easily pushed into anxiety mode. I’m being very choosey in my goals right now. I’m not promising to blog every day, run 40 miles or even 1, etc.

2012-01-06T09:22:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1W49SmOtWI&feature=share

2011-12-22T09:42:00.001-08:00

No Wound is too Small

2011-11-11T12:09:00.000-08:00

Today, I’ve been thinking about a sweet member of my family who has been aching deeply for the passed months- years. This week, she signed divorce papers. Although she knows it is the right thing to do, she still feels the loss – loss of her dreams and expectations. Her eternal family is now broken apart as well as her heart.

She doesn’t know when the pain will depart, but I know that through Jesus and his atonement, it will. As she picks up the pieces of her life and offers them to Christ, he will help her carry the burden until she sees the sunshine again. It’s only him who can make her whole again. It’s only Christ who can consecrate her pain and suffering, and that of her children, to their good and eternal benefit.

Grief isn’t easily shed. It takes time and grace to heal. And it takes suffering. That’s the part we would rather not experience, but if we turn to the Savior, our suffering can make us more like him.

I know that he waits with a compassionate heart for each of us to bring our pain to him. No wound is too small for the healing power of Jesus Christ. And one day, our pain will turn to joy and understanding.

Fight it with Fitness

2011-10-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

One of my readers has submitted this information to aid those battling cancer. I hope you find it helpful.

Thanks, David, for your article. Now, I’ve gotta go work out! Grin.

Using Fitness to Combat Cancer Treatment Symptoms

While it's true that vigorous exercise alone will not prevent or cure cancer, there are several reasons to stay as fit as possible both during your cancer treatment and for the rest of your life. Regular exercise not only helps ease the unpleasant side effects of chemotherapy and radiation, it also helps stop the wasting of lean muscle mass needed to perform everyday activities. Here's what you need to know about staying fit while fighting cancer.

Exercise Can Benefit Everyone

It doesn't matter if you have mesothelioma, prostate cancer, or leukemia, exercise has been proven time and time again to combat fatigue, increase immunity, and both maintain and build lean muscle mass that is crucial to remaining as independent as possible. Exercise also increases cardiovascular health, which is crucial for withstanding grueling treatments.

You Will Notice a Difference

Many patients with cancer complain of severe exhaustion, a loss of appetite, and a feeling of depression or despondency. All of these symptoms can be treated with the natural endorphins that are released with exercise. Cancer patients who walk briskly on a regular basis or visit the gym are less likely to experience nausea. Fit women who were living with or in remission from breast cancer were found to have more regular hormones when compared to unfit women with larger body fat stores.

Talk to Your Doctor about Getting Fit

Although over half of cancer patients report that their oncologist never discussed an exercise program with them, 84% of respondents said they would have liked to talk about it. While there are so many benefits to an exercise program before, during, and after chemotherapy, radiation, or other treatments to fight your cancer, you can't reap those benefits if you don't have a plan. Your doctor will be able to make suggestions as to what is an appropriate level of exercise. As with any exercise program, it's important you discuss any negative side effects with your doctor.

Keeping fit during your cancer treatments and for the rest of your life afterward will not cure cancer, but the positive effects are well documented. Staying fit will allow you to keep your stamina to do everyday task, help increase your appetite, and give you relief from fatigue. Talk to you oncologist about a suitable exercise plan. It's never too late to start on a journey to a healthier you.

By: David Haas

Comfort fromj the Spirit

2011-10-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

I read this quote yesterday from the new book, Daughters of my Kingdom. It's beautiful.

Sister Snow: Her inspired instruction helped Relief Society sisters face the trials of their day. She taught that if they would continually seek guidance and comfort from the Holy Ghost, they could enjoy peace even in the midst of adversity. She said that the Holy Ghost “satisfies and fills up every longing of the human heart, and fills up every vacuum. When I am filled with that Spirit,” she continued, “my soul is satisfied, and I can say in good earnest, that the trifling things of the day do not seem to stand in my way at all. But just let me lose my hold of that spirit and power of the Gospel, and partake of the spirit of the world, in the slightest degree, As Relief Society sisters pray individually and with their families, they can receive inspiration to guide them.
and trouble comes; there is something wrong. I am tried, and what will comfort me? You can- not impart comfort to me that will satisfy the immortal mind, but that which comes from the Fountain above. And is it not our privilege to so live that we can have this constantly flowing into our souls?” 1

Christ is there

2011-09-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

I recently received an email from a “Hard Times and Holy Places” reader which touched my heart. I’m glad that my new friend as found some encouragement during her very difficult trials. With her permission, I share portions of her message with you:

“October through January I was back and forth from Utah to Arizona helping care for my oldest daughter. We found out last October she had stage 4 gall bladder cancer and it was metastasized and systemic, so we knew we had only a few months left with her. She passed away on January 22, 2011. Two weeks before her passing, I was still in Arizona caring for my daughter when I got a call from my sister saying our mom (who was 94 years old) had suddenly taken a turn for the worse and they had to call hospice. She was in congestive heart failure and they only gave us a month at the most left with her. I came home from Arizona to say my good-byes to her and help care for her for a week, and then I was going to fly back down to be with my sweet daughter again. While I was home my son-in-law called to tell me my precious daughter had passed on. I was heartbroken because I never got to go back down and be with her again. Then 19 hours after that news my mom passed away.
On top of all of that, while I was home caring for my mom, my second daughter had to have gall bladder surgery, she had complications from an instrument breaking while they were doing the procedure and they had to open her up to go find the piece. Her heart rate and blood pressure bottomed out in the recovery room and we almost lost her.
Next sequence of events was that my fourth daughter had complications due to the stress from her heart problems, and so I was worried I was going to loose her, or at least end up at the hospital with her on top of everything else, and my third daughter had a divorce finalized and she left the church (after a Temple marriage).
I became very angry at God, and kept asking him why this all had to be happening to me. I do not have a companion. I have been a single mom for the past 25 years, so did not have anyone but my children to help me through these times; and I did not want to burden them because they were suffering also. I could not turn to my siblings and burden them because they were suffering also. I could not even turn to my mom for comfort, so I felt alone and helpless.
July was the 6 month mark of all of these happenings. I fell apart again, and I had not been back to church in four months because I let people in the church and their actions, or lack of actions get to me. I could not face people and their comments of "at least you have the gospel and know they are in a better place" or "just remember the Lord knows your strength and will not give you more than you can handle."

So chapters 8 & 9 were especially comforting to me. Your words about people making you feel horrible by what people thought was encouragement by saying Heavenly Father wouldn't give you more than you could handle made me cry. I loved your thoughts about the Atonement of Christ and that it is NOT true that we won't be given more than we can handle, and that is why Christ suffered for us; because he knew we could not handle it alone. I had felt like you that people were just pushing a knife deeper and deeper and causing me more pain and making it harder, and turning me away from them. And I said to myself, I really can not handle all of this. You gave me a new holy place in adding to the sentence that I can not handle it alone without letting Christ and his Atonement help me. You gave me a way to remember how to not be alone and helpless, because I can do it with Christ. I must now remember to not let the people of the church get to me, and to go back to church and ignore comments from people, because Christ is with me and he loves me, and is always there to help me when nobody else is.”

My prayers and heart go out to this sweet woman and to those who suffer so tremendously. I know that Christ loves each of us individually and infinitely. We never have to feel alone or without help.
I know he lives.

Hot Dog Diggity

2011-08-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

Necessity might be the mother of invention, but hunger is definitely the son. What do hotdogs and toasters have in common? Well, isn’t it obvious?
Recently, I entered my kitchen and found my eight-your-old son making lunch for himself.
“Watch this, Mom.” He said as he catapulted a hotdog out of the toaster. “It’s so cool!”
Our toaster oven has a defrost setting, so my son thought it could do the job on a frozen dog. Wow! If he positioned his bun just right, he might be able to stick the landing.
Because hotdogs are his recent meal of choice, my little Chef Boyardee found an alternative cooking style to the toaster. Instead of the boring old use of a pan to cook the mystery sausage on the stove, he placed it directly on the burner so that it would have the grill lines on it. I guess it tastes better that way. Well, it sure cuts down on dishes. Maybe the fire fighters like hotdogs too. There will be plenty when they come to extinguish the flames shooting forth from the burner.
No, my son isn’t always left unattended. In fact, I am the one who is normally filling the eating requests, but I thought these new and creative ways to cook a dog were worth sharing. It’s a new spin on an old favorite. So, try something new today. Perhaps, you should avoid the hotdog catapult and the burner dog; however, I’m sure you might break up the monotony of old tasks by adding a bit of imagination.
Now, what can we do with ground beef? Hmm.

Exciting news!

2011-07-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to announce that my new book, "Facing The Son", is coming out on August 1. Here's the introduction. I hope it sparks an interest.

Facing the Son
Facing the Son
Kris Belcher
DESERET BOOK COMPANY

Introduction
The light of dawn signaled the morning of the Sabbath, but the glow of the sun meant nothing to him. From his seat at the side of the dusty road, the beggar felt the sun’s heat warm his back and just a hint of breeze touching his upturned face. For many years, he had sat in darkness, each day coming to this same spot of ground. Here he begged from the many passersby for his subsistence. His eyes saw nothing, but his ears followed the sounds of movement near him—sounds of animals and their masters, mothers calling after their children, and the shuffling of feet as people walked by.
He listened as a group of men approached. They stopped and spoke together about his blindness. He marveled at the words of one whom the others called Jesus, when they asked, “Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?”
In anticipation, the blind man leaned forward to catch the reply.
“Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him” (John 9:2–3).
He couldn’t believe it. Never before had the blind man heard someone teach such a thing, but the words rang true in his heart. He had not deserved this physical problem; he knew it. He had always known it. Yet now this man preached what he had felt from birth.
This Jesus, who called himself “the light of the world” (John 9:5), spoke kindly to the beggar as he stooped before him. The beggar heard the stranger spit in the dirt, and then he felt warm, wet clay cover his blind eyes. He drew back, not understanding but somehow not fearing this new stranger. He heard a crowd begin to gather as Jesus helped him to his feet and quietly gave him instructions to “go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (John 9:7).
The beggar, now urged forward by some new feeling inside, was assisted to the pool. A glimmer of hope pricked his heart, but still, he was uncertain what would happen as he entered the water.
The blind man did as he was commanded and washed off the clay. Instantly, the light of the sun met his eyes and filled his mind. Never before had he ever imagined such brightness. Familiar objects and people appeared foreign with their vivid colors and strange dimensions, yet these new sights brought him unbelievable joy. Tears of amazement and gratitude spilled down his cheeks. It was a miracle. His eyes had been opened.
***
I have always loved reading the New Testament story of how Christ healed the blind man. I have imagined what that day would have been like, what the man may have been feeling, and the compassion that must have shown on the face of Jesus. Having struggled with very limited eyesight throughout my life and finally gone completely blind in 2003, I have longed to receive such a healing.
As a college student at Brigham Young University, when I still possessed some vision in one eye, I was present in a religion class where we were told that the prophet, President Ezra Taft Benson, was in the building next door. After class, if we waited outside, in an hour, we might catch a glimpse of him. When class ended, I was amazed to see that no one besides me had remained to see the prophet.
I sat in the sun—just waiting. It occurred to me that if I was the only one around when President Benson exited the building, perhaps I could not only see him but speak with him as well. I had read and heard of many modern-day miracles that had been done by the hands of apostles and prophets in our day. Was it possible that I could receive a miracle and, through the power of the priesthood held by this prophet, be healed? Would President Benson take time to give me a blessing? Would Father in Heaven cause my sight to be improved or even fully restored?
Now, perhaps this sounds a bit Pollyannaish, or even foolish, but I knew that God worked through His prophets and that such a healing, according to the will of the Lord and my faith, was absolutely possible.
Finally, when the doors to the building were opened, students seemed to come out of nowhere, clustering to see the prophet. I was pushed to the rear of the crowd, and I watched President Benson shake the hands of those in the front row. My heart was saddened as I saw my chance to speak with the prophet, and possibly be healed by him, pass me by.
However, as I joined the group in celebrating President Benson’s birthday by singing to him, the Spirit comforted me and taught me an unforgettable lesson.
It was not the will of the Father that I should be healed of my sight impairment. Understanding entered my mind, as it so often had before, through the words of a scripture. I thought and felt the power of Christ’s teaching to his disciples on that day when he healed the blind man so long ago, “Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him” (John 9:3).
Instead of receiving complete healing, it was my mission to keep my sight impairment. I learned through the Spirit that as I struggled with my disability, others would see the help given me by the hand of the Lord, and this would help them seek Christ in their own lives. This was not the answer I had hoped for and wanted, but I gathered my courage and received strength to move forward.
Since that time, the passage in John 9 has given me purpose amidst my struggles. Yet that is not all. As I have studied this chapter in more depth, I have come to realize that the healing of the beggar was not the primary focus of the passage. The man who was blind served as a living lesson for a deeper truth—the need to overcome spiritual blindness in order to truly see what is important.
After the beggar was healed, he was taken before the Pharisees and questioned. Because Christ had healed this man on the Sabbath, the Pharisees charged him with breaking the law of Moses and condemned him of being of the devil. They totally missed the miracle and the power of the miracle worker. The Pharisees were blind to all but their own interpretation of the law. They could see with their physical eyes, yet they were blind—blind to what mattered most: Jesus Christ.
It seems so easy for me to diagnose the vision problem of the Pharisees. Why couldn’t they, why didn’t they recognize or focus on the Savior? Why did they see only the law and not the giver of it? Yet, I wonder how many times I do the same thing. How often do I allow other things, even personal feelings, to take my focus away from spiritual matters and ultimately from my Savior? Spiritually speaking, what is my visual acuity? Do I suffer from a spiritual blindness similar to that of the Pharisees?
How can you and I improve our spiritual vision so that we can grow closer to the Savior?
I believe the sun can shed some light on this for us. After I lost my eyesight, I went through light withdrawals. I missed the sunlight in the clear blue sky, the sunrise over the mountains, and the beautiful colors of a sunset. Now, when I go outside, the only way I know if the sun is shining is if I feel it on my skin. I love to feel the warmth of the sun’s rays on my face. There is a comfort in that feeling.
The sun can also provide valuable direction. I learned this in my mobility and orientation class that I attended after I first went blind. The goal of the course was for me to navigate safely and independently using a white cane.
In one lesson, I was taught that I can determine what direction I am facing by using the sun. Here’s how it works. If it were morning, and I felt the sun’s warmth on my right-hand side, then I would know I was facing north. Similarly, if I felt the warmth on my back, I would know I was facing west. This information can be vitally important to my navigation and safety.
Spiritually, we can also receive comfort and direction from the Son. If we can feel the warmth of the Son—the Spirit—then we know we are facing the right direction. However, if we aren’t feeling that warmth, we can be certain that we need a course correction. This information is vital to our eternal progression.
As we face the Son, and seek His light, you and I can gain access to real power. We can have a greater ability to “see” solutions to difficult problems, receive hope when life appears hopeless, obtain the enabling power of grace to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks, receive forgiveness from sin, and gain strength to endure trials faithfully. We can do this incrementally each day as we seek and apply true principles to aid us in real, day-to-day experiences.
Let’s look at how an increased ability to see spiritually can affect us in a typical day’s experience. Each day, I interact with my children, and often my patience is tried. When I grow irritated at their whining, complaining, or arguing, and I let that irritation fester, then I am not facing the Son. I am allowing the light of the Spirit to be eclipsed. However, if I have an automatic plan to engage when I begin feeling such irritation, then I can more easily think, feel, and act with love from the unobstructed light source: Jesus Christ. This will help me handle the situation with more patience, in a Christlike manner and without contention—at least on my end. I will see more clearly because the darkness that comes from holding onto negative feelings is replaced by spiritual light and strength.
I invite you to try examining your own visual acuity—not your physical sight, for that is of lesser importance, but your spiritual ability to see. How is this done? I have found that spiritual vision may be easier to identify if I compare it to the different stages of physical vision I have gone through in my life.
At the age of seven months, I was diagnosed with bilateral retinoblastoma—multiple tumors on the retinas of both eyes. This cancer was treated with radiation therapy, and my life and some vision were saved.
For the first eight or nine years of my life, I had limited vision in both eyes, but my retinas were very scarred, leaving me with blind spots in my field of vision. However, until I ran into something, I didn’t notice the blind spots. My mind adapted so that I just looked around them automatically.
When I lost the sight in my left eye, due to a cataract and calcification of my pupil, I depended solely on the vision that remained in my right eye. It was difficult to rely on less light than I had been used to, and I didn’t like the feeling of darkness. Then, when my left optic nerve died, it grew even darker, if possible, and it was like part of me was lost to a blank void. My world grew smaller and smaller.
With these changes came the need to make adjustments to help me utilize my remaining vision. For example, I turned my head to the left so that I could see what was in front of me and not just what was on my right-hand side.
I developed a cataract on the lens of my right eye when I was in high school, and surgery was required to improve my sight. My lens was removed and an artificial lens was put in its place. Consequently, everything appeared brighter. The cloudy lens had dimmed my vision, but I hadn’t noticed because the change had occurred so gradually. With the new lens, colors seemed brighter and more vibrant. I literally felt as though I had more light in my life.
Then, when I was thirty-two years old, the remaining vision in my right eye began to fade and I was diagnosed with more cancer. This time, the tumors were behind my right eye and had been caused by the radiation I had received as an infant. Despite many surgeries and even more faith and prayers, I lost my sight when it became necessary to remove my right eye in order to remove the cancer. I then was completely blind—left in absolute darkness. I was devastated.
At different times throughout our mortal lives, we may, depending on our faithfulness, experience differing degrees of spiritual vision. Clear vision requires that there be no obstruction to light. However, we are constantly bombarded by temptation and sin, which, if chosen or embraced, will obstruct our view.
I wonder if you and I get so used to these light-blockers that we begin to look around them, until that becomes so automatic that we don’t even notice them. Or perhaps we make small bad choices that don’t appear to change our vision but that, if not corrected, dim our sight. If we stray further and further from the Light—Jesus Christ—we can feel spiritually as I did physically when I lost all vision: left in darkness and despair. The light we previously enjoyed may seem lost forever.
If we honestly identify and properly treat those things that blind us spiritually, our focus on Christ will sharpen, and our vision will become clearer. Through the help of the Spirit and the power of the Atonement, we can improve our ability to see spiritually in this life and to make it through the difficulties and darkness of mortality.
As you and I seek light together, I know that the Spirit will lead you to actions appropriate to your own situation and spiritual acuity. I know that as we work to improve our spiritual sight, praying for the help and direction of heaven, darkness will retreat and we will move closer to the Light. For Christ is the only cure, remedy and healer of our spiritual vision. He has promised, “I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them” (Isaiah 42:16, 19).

Lessons from peas?

2011-07-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

I just went out to the garden and picked some peas, a few beans, and some Swiss chard. I’m always amazed that when I plant seeds, something edible grows out of the ground.
I brought my small bounty into the house and shelled a few peas to taste. They were delicious!
“Wow!” I thought, “I grew these all by myself!”. But, then I wised up. I grew them myself? I knew that wasn’t true at all. I merely planted the seeds and provided the water. I don’t have any power to cause those seeds to produce anything. This Earth, acting as it was directed by Christ when created, did the real work. The miracle of the plan of Heavenly Father is manifested even in the little things- like the peas I ate. That is the amazing thing. Father directed and Christ created this planet for the family of Adam and made it so that seeds would produce after their own kind.
Isn’t it funny how little peas can teach so much? I mean, how many times do we think, “Look what I did?”, or” I did that myself!”? Our efforts are important for sure, but the real power, strength and ability comes from the Father. He lends us breath, and he helps us give all we can. And why does he do this? Love. He does and provides so much because he loves each of his children.
Anyway, just a little something to muse upon the next time you eat peas.

Woman of Great Faith

2011-07-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

Each week, I read the letter of a missionary from our ward that he sends to his parents, and his letter today has provoked pondering
He talked about being a faithful missionary as opposed to being a missionary of great faith. It’s great to be a faithful, or obedient missionary, but the miracles come to the missionaries of great faith.
For myself, for the most part, I think it is pretty natural to be a faithful woman, but how much better my life would be if I were more of a woman of great faith- miracles would come. So, I’m pondering the things I can do/be to become a woman of greater faith.

Reunions

2011-07-06T09:22:00.000-07:00

Summer is the time for reunions. Family members you didn’t know you had gather for food and fun, and when it’s over, the best reunion is with your mattress. It’s a lot of work to reune. So, why do we do it? Many people may answer, “Guilt!” But, deep down there is a stronger motive. It’s love, belonging and family ties which draw us to gather together and endure hours of heat.
This past weekend, my husband’s family had a 3 day reunion, and family members from across the nation came. It was great to see the camaraderie and love that was shared between people of different backgrounds and life experiences. Oh, the heat was trying, but worth it. My sons built friendship with cousins, and my husband was able to see uncles and aunts, and reunite with cousins he hadn’t seen in years. I think this was all pleasing to Heavenly Father. Why? Because this life is a time to build strong ties between family members. Sure, those ties may not be comfortable at all times, but our efforts are seen by heaven.
I really am grateful to be surrounded by and associate with good people. I’ll remind myself of this the next weekend I am sweating at a park somewhere, sitting in the dark and talking to near strangers in hopes of strengthening family bonds.

Ready- Egg- Fire!

2011-07-01T15:57:00.000-07:00

From my room, I could hear loud, random popping noises. I thought perhaps my darling children were destroying yet another part of the home or yard, so I bellowed for them. No guilty parties came forth, or even responded. I was on the phone with my sister, and explained the strange noises while I went to investigate. As I entered the kitchen, the pops grew louder, and then I knew. All I could do was scream and laugh.
“What’s wrong?” she yelled into the phone. “Are you alright?”
I had forgotten that I had put eggs on to boil, and all the water was gone from the pan. A dozen eggs were exploding. I grabbed the pan and rushed it to the sink to put under cold water. Just then, I was shot! An errant egg missile had hit and ricocheted off of me. Crazy! My kitchen had turned into a hard boiled war zone!
Luckily, I was not hurt, and a fire was avoided. Except for the terrible smell and a partially singed pan, no harm done. Consequently, however, I made a different recipe. as I worked, I kept finding bits of egg and shell in strange places throughout the kitchen.
Ah! Hit the deck! We’re having eggs for dinner!

Warn out and wondering

2011-06-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those days when you wonder what your purpose is? I have had a few of those lately. I think they come more when I am not feeling well. There seems, some days, to never be enough time to do all I want to get done. Then, sometimes, when my body isn’t able to do much of anything, I give up a little on myself. Does that make sense?

The past few days, my body hasn’t been cooperating, and I have wondered where my energy has gone. Then, I review my past several weeks and realize all the times I have spoken at different events- girls camps, youth conferences, relief societies. Hmm. It’s no wonder my body is on strike. Still, since you rarely see the influence you have on others, I hope I have done some good in the world.

I just received an email from a woman who was at one of my Time Out talks. She just read my book and emailed to thank me for sharing my story and helping her through some painful times. It’s those kind words that help me see that my little efforts are helping some one- even if it’s just one someone. So, I’ll rest a bit, and then my body will kick back into gear. I’ll be up and at’em again soon.

Thanks for being part of my self talk this morning. Grin.

Free At Last!

2011-06-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was liberation day from the cone of shame. Nadine is free!
We went for our first walk with Nadine doing her job as guide, and she did very well. It sure is nice to be moving again. She was so anxious to be out the door once her guide harness was on. Now, you can all get up off your knees and eat once more. The two weeks of fasting and praying have come to an end! Grin.

Check out this program

2011-06-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been listening to some fabulous podcasts, and wanted to share the source. It is a program on the Mormon Channel called “Conversations”. I’ve learned great truths from the apostles who are interviewed, and I marvel how they teach truth while answering the questions of the interviewer.

Yesterday, I listened to an interview of Elder and Sister Bednar, and had to start taking notes as they spoke. Elder Bednar has such a grasp on the doctrine of Christ and boldly shares it. I love how he teaches that as we act in accordance to true principles, we will receive power from the Holy Ghost. Now, this is nothing new, but as he teaches it, I feel the Spirit teach me how to apply it.

Another podcast that is absolutely amazing is that of Gary serran. He shares his experience about a car crash, losing his wife and children, and how the atonement of Christ has helped him through this and more. His attitude is incredible.

I really appreciate this program and hope it might be helpful to you. Let me know which episodes mean the most to you. Oh, check out how the apostles all speak so lovingly about their wives. So cool!

The Cone of Shame? What will the other dogs say?

2011-06-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

Poor pooch still has a cone head. The vet says he thinks she’s been finding a way to lick the surgery site even with the cone. She is probably bending it or something, but the wound isn’t healing. So, another week of bucket headness. I also get to play my skills at being Florence Nightingale. I have to treat the wound and wrap it twice a day. Hopefully, she’ll heal.

In other news, yesterday I had a liberating moment that I wanted to share. We’ve had a bunk bed that has needed to be taken apart and my husband hasn’t had time to do it. So, I decided I would. I got a wrench and went to work. I felt like quite the handyman. Eat your heart out Bob the Builder. Watch out for the blind lady with the wrench!

Poor Little Bucket Head Dog

2011-06-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

It may have looked like a crime scene from CSI, but the blood all over my house had a perfectly reasonable explanation. You see, dear Nadine and I were playing with one of her toys, and, like she loves to do, she took it and ran outside. Soon, I heard a terrible screech like she was in pain. Nadine then came to find me in the living room and she was whimpering and holding up her paw. When I touched it, I found her paw was dripping blood.
“She’s bleeding, Mommy!” my eight-year-old son freaked out.
It was then that Lucy, my pug, thought I was in need of rescue, and chased Nadine away from me. After shutting Lucy in another room, I again tried to examine the wound, but couldn’t tell where all the blood was coming from. Benji cried and thought Nadine was going to die and I held him and reassured him that Nadine would be alright. While holding my son, I wrapped the paw in a cloth and applied pressure.
After calling several neighbors to come and be my eyes, I finally got a hold of Emily- always great in an emergency. She could see a deep cut between the pads of Nadine’s paw. She and my son also combed the lawn to see what Nadine may have stepped on. Their best guess was a tent stake sticking out of the grass.
“Kris, you have big pock-a-dots of blood all through your house.” She informed me.
Well, the blood on the carpet would have to wait. Off we went to the vet, and Nadine ended up needing to go under anesthesia in order to get stitches. It was so hard to leave her there.
The rest of the day was spent scrubbing the house. There was even blood on the walls and on the kitchen and laundry room floors. I’m so glad Lucy decided to chase Nadine through the house! Thank heavens that a friend came over with some carpet cleaning equipment and extracted the blood from the carpet.
Several hours later, we picked up my injured guide doggie, and brought her home with her paw all bandaged. She was attired with a lovely plastic cone around her head. It was pretty pathetic, my poor bucket head dog. She would need to wear the bucket to make sure she couldn’t reach her paw and lick or bite the stitches.
She was in a lot of pain the first night and it was so sad to see her suffer. Each day she is getting better, and I can tell she is tired of being in the cone of shame.
She and I have had a rough week. I’ve been her guide dog around the house, because she runs into things with her bucket. It’s even hard for her to come up stairs due to her catching the edge of the cone on each step. She tries to be playful, but I can tell she’s not been herself.
Tomorrow I take her back to the vet, and I sure hope everything has healed fine. It’s time to free her from her bucket, and get back to real life. I also hope that she picks up the guiding again quickly. We’ve got things to do and places to go. Cute little Nadine has been a trouper!

Alive and Kicking

2011-04-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

Alright, it’s been a month since I returned with Nadine to real life, and I’ve had some people worried that I might have been led astray by the darling pooch. Rest assured that I am not in a ditch some where in the hinterlands. Nadine and I are getting used to this guide dog thing, but it sure is a lot of work.
My family loves her, and my pug Lucy is still debating. There are times she gets in a dither, thinking Nadine is acting up. But, for the most part, the transition is pretty smooth.
I’ve gone on one Time Out For Women trip to Fresno, and Nadine did great. Of course, the audience of 1800 women thought Nadine was going to walk me off the front of the stage. There was a collective gasp, and women started yelling, “To the left! Go to the left!” Wow, that was fun. She would’ve done fine and gotten me down the stairs, but the producer and John Bytheway (How do you like the name dropping?) ran up and helped me down the stairs. It’s always an adventure. The thousands of women wanted to pet her, so that will be a problem. I’m having a friend make a sign for me to put on her harness, so those who are literate, will avoid the temptation. Grin.
Church has been quite the adventure also. Nadine sleeps for most of it, so she fits in nicely. The children all get excited and run up to her saying, “Goggie!” The Young Men aren’t much better. I had one lady totally disgusted that I had my dog at church, but she’ll get over it.
Isn’t it interesting where life takes us? Whether or not we have a Nadine, we certainly get to deal with things that we never wanted to deal with. But, I am grateful for the good that has come out of my challenges. At least I get a few funny stories and laughs out of it all. And just to clear the air of any confusion, Nadine doesn’t know sign language. Grin.

Official Guide Dog Team

2011-03-26T21:25:00.000-07:00

March 26
Well, it’s official. Nadine and I are now graduates of Guide Dogs for the Blind. We had our graduation ceremony today and it was a great experience.
First, I met with Kyra and Richard who were Nadine’s puppy raisers. They flew in from Colorado for the occasion. WE got to know one another, and they were able to spend time with Nadine. She was sooooo excited to see them. I thought she’d blow up.
During graduation, they have the student come up on stage from the right and the puppy raisers bring the dogs in from the left. They hand over the leash at that time to the student, and both have a minutes to share their feelings with the audience. Our group balled all the way through the ceremony. Of course, I didn’t weep, but I did get choked up when I thanked my instructor Michelle and my group.
Afterwards, Kyra and Richard took me out for desert for my birthday. I had a huge chocolate shake. Nadine was very good under the table. It was my first time alone with her as my dog.
Later, I went to dinner with my fantastic friend and was able to meet her husband and daughters. We were friends since pre-school, but lost track of each other for years. It was so great to spend time with her, and made my birthday special.
Nadine has hit the sack, and I’m all packed up to leave at 5:30 am. It’s going to be an adventure to travel for the first time with a guide dog. Please buckle your seat belts and return all seat backs and tray tables to their forward and locked positions.

Rest and Rap Up

2011-03-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

March 25
Well, I’m still 39, but the hours are dwindling away. My cute group members brought me a bouquet of flowers and had the staff all sign a birthday card for me. Tonight, we are watching a movie and having snacks.
Today was pretty low stress. First, we went to a park to work on our handling of dog distractions. The problem was that it was raining and there were no dogs. So, we walked around a park in the rain and then got on the bus again. Wahoo! Such a great learning experience. Well, I did try a head collar on Nadine. It’s one you would use to have really good control of the dog’s head- like with dog distractions. It goes in a figure eight around the muzzle and head of the dog. I was all prepared to use it, but the only living animals around were geese. They didn’t bother Nadine much, but it was practice.
One funny thing happened in the park. I was nearing the end of the park path, and sang out loudly, “I can hear you!” to one of the class instructors approaching me; however, it wasn’t one of the instructors. It was just another poor soul out walking in the rain. She laughed, and kept on walking. Oops!
After the rainy park, we went to another mall to do some work. It was pretty uneventful. Nadine does love working inside, though. She books it and I constantly have to try to slow her down.
The rest of the day was spent going over our graduation for tomorrow, and talking through transitioning our dog team to our homes. It should be an adventure.
Oh, the kitchen staff made me a yummy chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. Everyone has been very nice here. I can’t believe it’s over tomorrow. The things that can happen over 14 days…

Is it time for a nap yet

2011-03-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

March 24
I was totally discouraged this morning after my final route in Portland. It was a solo route without input from the trainer who was still behind watching, but not directing or correcting. I made a few mistakes, but thought I had done alright. However, after going over the route with my trainer, she said some things about some of my choices on the streets which hurt quite a lot. To tell the truth, I just wanted to go home and have a nap. She did say that she knew I had given 200% during our class these past 2 weeks, but was still concerned about some things. I didn’t know what I had left to offer since I really have been throwing my whole self into this learning.
After Portland, we drove to the airport to go through security as practice. We learned how to get through with our dogs. I think Nadine used to work for TSA because she seemed to know exactly where to go and weaved in and out of the crowds of people. She was definitely excited to be there.
Then, I came back and had an hour nap to recover- body and mind. That helped a ton. After dinner, we went on another night route which was optional. I really didn’t want to do it after my morning discouragement, but sucked it up and went anyway. I prayed to Heavenly Father to help me work well with Nadine and to have good instincts. I consecrated my fear, anxiety, and disappointment in myself to Father, and asked him to bless me with more strength than I had. That is exactly what he did. I was calm, and made Nadine go slowly so I felt as little stress as possible. Nadine took her turn having an off route, but I handled all the curves she threw at me.
My trainer said that I definitely had to work for that route, but that I had done a phenomenal job. Now, that was more like it! Isn’t it great how merciful Father is, even about a dog route in the dark? I am so grateful that he cares for me and helps me.

The Other Side of Portland

2011-03-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

March 22
Boy, do I have one tired pooch. We’ve worked another full day of unknown situations. This morning, we worked on traffic encounters. This is watching how Nadine reacts to cars stopping in front of her, backing out of driveways, making it around parked cars, etc. Nadine guided me on the sidewalk around several blocks and an instructor let me know when the class supervisor was coming in a car and from what angle. Nadine did perfectly. She kept me safe and showed that she knew just what to do.
Unfortunately, she got nervous in the afternoon on our route in an area without sidewalks. She would stop at every parked car and didn’t want to go around them. She was keeping me safe by keeping her distance. The instructors said that the dogs would be effected after their traffic encounters that morning. It was my job to be a good leader and keep up my confidence and encouragement so she could work through it. Unless I move to NYC, we won’t have that many traffic encounters in one route again. She did great in the sidewalk less area despite shying away from the parked cars. I learned the techniques necessary to get around safely without a sidewalk, which will help in my area on some busy streets.
We also were tested on dog encounters. As Nadine and I made our way on a route, my supervisor stood off to our left with his big dog. Nadine didn’t give him the time of day. She just cruised on by just like she was supposed to. My trainer was so proud.
We went to see the vet today, and got information on keeping them healthy as well as their health history. Nadine had pneumonia as a pup and a few other problems, but is completely healthy now. There is a dog run here with lots of grass that we can take the dogs to and let them run. Labs have this particular run that they call scooting. It’s where they tuck in their bum and race around like crazy. She loves to run in there, and it’s so good for her to work out her anxiety and to relax and just be a dog. We played tug of war with a rubber tug ring, and she’d pull it away and race around the dog run. Then, when I called for it, she’d bring it back and I’d give her food. She did great at this game until it was time to go and she would not bring it back. So, we had to leave it there and someone else brought it to me. She was a stinker, but had a blast. I hope our backyard grass can handle her racing.
Finally, I had a 40 minute massage by a therapist who comes in to work on the staff and students. It was heavenly! Of course, she barely got started when my time was up, but it did help a lot.
Now, I’ve put sleepy Nadine in her kennel and I’m headed for an early night’s sleep. Another day filled with learning and some fun too.

March 23
I just came in from our last dog relieving session of the night in the pouring down rain. Poor pooches. Who wants to do their private business in the rain? Furthermore, who wants to stand in the rain and encourage their poor poochie to do their business in the rain?
Today was spent working 2 routes in Portland. The first was to find the building my friend’s husband works in so that I could return the purse she left at my dorm Sunday. Nadine was gun shy on this route. She usually nails every curb, but today was hesitant about going up and down curbs. I’m sure it was left over trauma from yesterday’s traffic exercise. So, I really worked on keeping her confidence up. My class supervisor coached me on that route, and helped me with keeping a straight line on sidewalks. There is a certain position to maintain which allows the dog to drive forward, and I wasn’t consistent with that position. To tell you the truth, I am afraid sometimes if there is a lot going on along the sidewalk. I don’t want to bang into things, so I hang back. But, don’t worry. That has been corrected.
The afternoon route was a doubles route. That means that I and another girl –one that I don’t normally work with- traveled on the same route with only one instructor. Nadine did much better on the curbs, but tried to keep up with the other dog team instead of listen to me. So, that took work too.
We worked to a famous doughnut shop here in Portland that happens to be in a more run down part of town. We went past some strip clubs and had a dog encounter with a homeless woman’s rat terrier. Nadine wanted to eat her, I think- the dog, I mean. There were lots of street musicians and some pan handlers, but no one seems to need money from the blind ladies. Hmm. I guess there are some perks.
We met with the graduate services lady today, and learned all about the support we receive when we go back home. We had periodic home visits and such to ensure both student and dog are safe and working well together. GDB really does so much to make sure we have a successful experience.
It was nice to have a few hours off this evening. The nurse took me and another student to the store, and I bought a back pack. It’s not that I want to be like Dora; Nadine just gets a bit testy when my purse falls off my shoulder and hits her. So, I’ve now made the switch to a pack for a while. There seems to be so much to juggle all the time while working the dog. Hopefully, this will help.
Gotta go switch my laundry. Thanks again for all your comments and support. It sure helps. I’m on the countdown to graduation and home coming.

What's With All This Traffic

2011-03-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

2011-03-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

March 21
Well, let’s see. Today’s 3 routes were filled with working Nadine on, through, in, and around escalators, elevators, trains, buses, vans, cats, food courts with tons of people, crowded street corners with a pan handling guy in a wheel chair who solicited everyone but the girl with the dog, and walking unknown streets in the dark. But, it’s all in a days work.
The night route went fine, but I had to slow dearest Nadine down. She was so excited to work at night. My trainer wasn’t working tonight, so I was accompanied and coached by the class supervisor who I had a bit of trouble with the other night. You’ll be please, as I was, to know that he was totally kind, encouraging, and helpful. He did almost knock a bicycler off the sidewalk coming straight for me, and I can’t repeat the expressions he used because this is a family show. I enjoyed our time together and he gave me some good dog handling tips, although he did eat my piece of chocolate cream pie at dinner.
We also worked on airplane travel. They have a few rows of plane seats set up, and I learned how to get Nadine to lie down on the floor between my feet with her bum under the seat in front of me. She was a bit hesitant at first, but then began to enjoy herself. What a funny dog.
So, all in all, even though it was so hard to get up this morning, it was a successful day in dogland. Nadine is working very hard for me and keeping me safe. Thanks for all your prayers, blog comments and emails. It’s nice to know there is still a world out there where people care for me. This group here is great, but it’s helpful to receive your encouragement. I can’t believe I have only had Nadine one week, and have learned so much.

A much needed break

2011-03-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

March 20

It’s been a great day of rest today. I busted out of this joint! This afternoon and evening I spent with a room mate from BYU and her darling family. The time flew by so quickly, unfortunately. But, I guess that’s what happens when you sit around talking and laughing together.
Because I have not graduated yet, I was not allowed to take Nadine along on my outing, and she remained in the dorm with a staff member. When I returned, Nadine went absolutely nutso. She definitely missed me. I’m sure she needed rest today just as I did.
Tomorrow, it’s back to the streets of Portland. Then, we have a night route to go on. You may be asking, “Why a night route? Aren’t you blind? Doesn’t everything look black anyway?” Well, I am blind, but Nadine isn’t. I need to know how she works at night when things look different. Also, things sound different- fewer people in some areas, changes in the amount of traffic, etc. So, that is a test for me as well.
I’m sure there’ll be stories to share coming soon. I have a dog with half of her body on my lap now, so I’ll have to pay some attention to Nadine. Man, she’s a lot to hold, but she’s dang cute.

A Good Day

2011-03-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

March 19
Hallelujah! Today was a much better day. Thank you all for your comments of encouragement. Your words have really helped me. This has certainly been an up and down experience –in so many ways.
I am so grateful for my fantastic trainer. She is so patient with me, doesn’t speak rudely, and teaches me so much. I had a very successful trip to Portland. First, we went to the mall again and worked on escalators. Nadine just loves to ride those dang things. We both did very well and our entrances and exits were smoother than yesterday.
Then, I learned how to board the MAX, which is the light rail system here. We road down to the Portland Zoo via a tunnel 260 feet under ground. It goes through a hill and quite fast. We got off the train at an underground stop, and learned how to be safe near the tracks. We worked elevators and some pretty crazy stairs and then boarded another train back to town.
Leaving Portland, my trainer took me and another girl in our training group) who shall remain nameless due to confidentiality) to a Pet smart in Gresham. Our goal was to see how our dogs reacted in an environment where there were other dogs and lots of distractions. We walked in front of the store outside so Nadine could get used to things- watching dogs go in and out. She was distracted and not following commands, so my trainer worked with me on my tone. She said, “Make her see God.” In other words, I was speaking too nicely to her and not intensely enough. Let’s just say that Nadine is now receiving revelation. She worked great through the store and followed commands great. When she lunged for other dogs, I put her in a Time Out. It’s not a new program –Time Out for Dogs- by Deseret Book. It’s a technique to halt all activity and let her know I mean business. I hold her collar firmly and stop all motion by bringing her close to my leg and holding for 7 seconds. I don’t say anything or make any other movements. It worked well and we had no dog fights in Pet smart. WE both had a very successful experience.
So, onward and upward. Or, forward and sit. I’ve almost made it through a whole week. Wahoo! Tomorrow I get to rest!

Did you know

2011-03-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

March 18

Did you know…?
*Dogs can get ear infections, so it’s important to clean their ears. True story. Of course, you don’t go digging inside with a Q-tip, but there is a way. Let me know if you’re desiring further training.

*Dogs’ nails can get caught in escalators, and this, as you can imagine, can cause serious problems for our K-9 friends. I got to put little booties on Nadine’s hind paws today while we road escalators. I’m sure the dogs look ridiculous, but better that than loose toes. I was very nervous to do this lesson, but Nadine- having learned the escalator before- loved it. She was so proud of herself and looked all around while on the dang thing. The mall we went to has 2 towers connected by a tunnel, and five stories are connected in each tower by many escalators. So, we’d get off one and immediately onto another one. Holy cow! Who knew my dog could wear shoes and ride dangerous machinery while guiding me?

*It’s a challenge to brush a dog’s teeth!!!!

*I’m tired of being corrected, and worn out. Today I had a slight break down after one of the class supervisors- not my normal instructor- corrected me in an unkind tone. I had had it. I was wet, tired, blind, tired, wet and trying to get my dog to the relieving area before she …. So, we had a nice chat, and I tried to ask him to help me know what to do instead of yelling at me what not to do. Naturally, as is the case in my family, I couldn’t talk to him without being chocked up. He couldn’t understand why I was worn out and done with corrections for the day. Oh well, He’s a he in a class filled with shes. Don’t worry. I’m now fine. Nadine did worry about me for a while, but after brushing teeth, I think she forgot all about it.

*It’s still raining and I feel like I’m back in high school with a bad perm.

*The food’s great here!

*I get to go back to Portland again tomorrow and have more learning experiences. Woopie!

That's gunna leave a mark

2011-03-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

March 17
What has six legs, shin splints and whip-lash? Right. It’s me and my guide Nadine. I’m the one with shin splints because I do so much walking with this dog that thinks she’s running the Kentucky Darby.
Part of our work is to rework the mistakes she makes when she doesn’t clear obstacles and I hit them. So, most of the time, Nadine does great, but there were a few bonks today. As we went up one street corner, my dearest Nadine walked me straight into a street pole. I smashed into it and did a nice rebound. Later, I wondered why my neck was so sore and stiff, and then I remembered my collision. I’ve been icing both my shins and neck today. It’s a pretty rough world out there.
After we did two routes in Portland, we went to Gresham to a Fred Meyer to practice moving turns. Who knew Freddy was still alive and here in Portland. I guess Smith’s hasn’t found him yet.
Anyway, again Nadine thought she should race through the isles while I tried to slow her down. It’s not very good to go fast indoors and weave through shopper traffic. I did pass my test; however, and now I can use the harness indoors instead of just heeling her.
It’s strange sometimes as I’m in my room. I forget there is a dog in here and then freak out when I hear breathing in the corner. It is a bit different than Lucy’s constant snorting and snoring. Nadine is very quiet until she sleeps and then breathes out loud. Aren’t you glad you know that bit of trivia?
Tomorrow, I think the plan is to work in the mall in Portland and practice escalators. Wahoo! I’m gunna try to be brave.

Let's Play

2011-03-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

March 16
Hurray! Nadine pooped, and I scooped! I know it is very exciting and you wish you could do that my Braille, but you’ll get over it.
I spent another exhausting day working the streets of Portland. Well, you know what I mean. Hmm. Anyway, Nadine guided me on over a one mile route in the morning, and then we did it again in the afternoon. The weather was much better, but still sporting that afro. I’m trying to call her something like Dini, but it’s hard just to remember Nadine when I’m giving commands. She worked very hard to manoover around obstacles on the sidewalks, and I didn’t even get hurt today. I’m not in bed yet, so there is plenty of time still.
We have dinner, and then more lectures. Tonight we’re talking about play, and getting some toys for the dogs. That should be great for all of us who probably couldn’t handle much more info tonight.
At the center in Portland, they have some big bean bags to relax on, and Nadine heads straight for them when it’s time for break. We may need a love sack or bean bag if anyone has connections. She loves to cuddle on the bag. Actually, I laid down on it and she pstood on my stomach with her front paws. I thought this dog might be different from Lucy- thinking I am her furniture. But, I guess not. No, really, I don’t let her sit on me. I might get a collapsed lung or something.
Nadine is getting a bit punchy. During class tonight, she was trying to be sneaky and do the army crawl over to another dog. She really wants to play tonight. It’s a good thing she just got a huge bone to chew instead of my hand.

Wet dog

2011-03-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

March 15
Rain, rain, and more rain was the description of today in Portland. My flat ironed hair turned into an afro by lunchtime. We drove from campus to Portland- about 30 minutes away. Don’t worry, I didn’t drive. I held onto Nadine’s harness through the driver’s window, and she did most of the work. I work one-on-one with an instructor on routes through the city blocks. Portland is set up on a grid like Salt Lake, so it’s a familiar layout. Did Brigham come here for dog training, do you think? We worked on street crossings, and navigating around obstacles- people included. Before taking Nadine out, my instructor held onto the front of a harness while I held the back as if working with the dog. I give commands and gestures just like I would with Nadine. I’m sure we look pretty funny to those around us, but, heck, I can’t see them.
At one point, a woman walked near me, and in a worried voice, said, “Oh, no! You lost your dog!” No, I did not say, “Oh, no, you lost your mind!” Grin. I’m pretty sure she was kidding around. I hope so anyway.
We did go on some routes with Nadine in the harness, so don’t be alarmed that she felt left out. There is a center that GDB has down town, and she stayed there in a crate while I worked without her. Then, she came and was a great guide for me across Portland’s streets.
We learned to groom the dogs today. I brushed Nadine’s teeth for the first time. It was actually harder than it might sound. She just wanted to lick the poultry flavored tooth paste off the brush. It did resemble a bit of WWF action. Maybe I’ll try that kind of paste with the boys. They might not try to lie their way through the task, and since it tastes like chicken, it might count for a meal.
My brother asked a very important question that others may wonder about also, “Who does the poop scoop?” Great question! For the past few days, the instructor that goes out with us for relieving (for the dog) has scooped. But, starting tomorrow, I’ll be scooping up after dearest Nadine. I’m sure I’ll have some fun, if not messy, stories to share tomorrow night.
Nadine and I are developing more trust and working better together. We’ve worked hard, and it seems like I’ve had her more than a day and a half. She loves to play as well.

New Friend

2011-03-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

March 14
Wow! What a long day of work! My brain and feet are very tired, but I feel good.
This morning, we met as a group and learned obedience and guide work commands. When I am only holding the leash, the commands I give are called obedience commands, but when I am holding onto the harness, it is guide work. Usually, the dog is wearing both, but if I want her to guide me, I have to be holding the harness handle. Get it?
Then, we found out the name, gender and breed of dog we would receive, and after lunch, I met my new buddy. She is a black Lab named Nadine. Now, I was thinking I’d get a dog with some cute fluffy name, and when I learned her name was Nadine, I have to admit I was disappointed. I mean, really? Nadine?
However, when the instructor brought her to me, she was so happy and greeted me with excitement. I mean the dog, not the instructor. She is adorable. We spent the next 8 hours getting to know each other, and doing both obedience and guide work. Nadine tested the limits to see what I’d let her get away with, and I had to really work on my corrections. That means not allowing her to be in charge. There are certain ways of communicating with the dog through appropriate corrections with the leash.
Guide dogs walk on the left side and the handling is most often done with the left hand. I’m finding that my left arm is very weak, and my muscles are sore. I’m sure I’ll be so buff when I get home.
I have five other classmates- all women. We get along great and have a lot of fun together. Three of the ladies are retraining. This means they have had guide dogs in the past, and are getting another one. The other three of us are just a bit clueless and very brave.
Tomorrow, we’re up early, and off to work all day down town Portland. Wish me luck!

Let the Adventure Begin

2011-03-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Today, I begin my training at the Oregon campus of Guide Dogs for the Blind. So far, I’ve met my fellow classmates, had orientation, a facility tour, eaten 2 yummy meals, and received my supplies for the dog I will receive tomorrow. This is a two week training program, and then I will return to Utah with my guide.

It’s interesting that I feel very at peace here- like it’s where I should be right now. I’ve been very nervous about this direction change in my life- mostly just because it’s change and unknown. But, being here, I’m getting a little excited. It poured rain today, and I am not looking forward to training on the rainy streets of Portland, but here goes the adventure! Stay tuned for tomorrow’s announcement of my new furry friend.

Look Up

2011-03-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was out with a friend, and we saw an elderly man who made us sad. Well, she did the seeing part, but described him to me. He stood straight, yet his neck was bent so that it was nearly parallel to the ground. The only way he could look was down. He was accompanied by some one else who served as the navigator.
We wondered what had happened to this man so that all he could see was his feet. Was his condition a result of accident, disease, age, or habit? I didn’t even realize at the time that he could see more than me. I just felt sad for all he was missing around and above him.
I got to thinking that many of us may figuratively be like this man. How often does our gaze focus down instead of up to Christ? How often are we stuck in the sorrow and stress of the here and now, and not look forward or what is eternally more important? What would happen in our lives if we practiced looking up? How many more people could we help? How much more revelation and direction could we receive? How much happier would we be?
Alma teaches his son Helaman to, “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). This can be a pattern for us. We can look up and see things with a heavenly reference. Our way of living can have a vertical focus instead of horizontal where we look to others as an indication of our progress.
My invitation to us all is to notice the direction of our focus, and try to look up and forward to Christ and to the good things around us. Let me know what you find.

Miracles

2011-02-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

While preparing my Sunday School lesson this week, I’ve studied some of the miracles preformed by Christ while on the Earth. I found some thing neat in the Bible Dictionary that I hadn’t thought of before. One of the reasons for miracles is to teach the “law of love”. Jesus lived his life by this law, and the miracles written of were a natural result of his presence as the Messiah.
Although, I was not there when he healed, blessed, and forgave, I have seen many miracles in my life. I have received healing- not always the kind I’ve prayed for, but still healing. What miracles have you seen in your life? At first, you might not think you’ve seen any, but take time to search your life. Ask in prayer for the ability to see the miracles you have been the recipient of.
I love these words from Bishop Richard C. Edgley First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric:
“When the disciples asked Jesus why they could not cast a devil out as they had just witnessed the Savior do, Jesus answered, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove” (Matthew 17:20). I have never witnessed the removal of an actual mountain. But because of faith, I have seen a mountain of doubt and despair removed and replaced with hope and optimism. Because of faith, I have personally witnessed a mountain of sin replaced with repentance and forgiveness. And because of faith, I have personally witnessed a mountain of pain replaced with peace, hope, and gratitude. Yes, I have seen mountains removed.”

* Two questions to ponder this week: 1. How do/can I live the law of love? 2. What results does my presence have on others?

The Love of God

2011-01-17T11:50:00.000-08:00

When we feel alone, when we feel unloved or unlovable, we can turn to these words of an apostle of Christ:

“God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely.
He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.
What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us…

• “I testify that God is in His heaven. He lives. He knows and loves you. He is mindful of you. He hears your prayers and knows the desires of your heart. He is filled with infinite love for you” (“The Love of GOD, DIETER F. UCHTDORF, OCTOBER 2009 GENERAL CONFERENCE).

I’m so glad that Father loves me- no matter how flawed or broken I am.

The Kitchen Sink

2011-01-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

I just had a visit from a friend who has been going through some very difficult times in her life. She told me of an experience she had this morning and then gave me a gift. She had been praying for peace and to feel settled about a huge, possibly devastating issue, and then listened to my CD about turning hard times into holy places.
“My kitchen sink is now a holy place for me.” She said.
The Spirit had touched her as she did dishes at the sink, and she connected that to being a holy place. She presented me with a baton, which represented something from my CD.
It was so sweet, and I was thrilled that she had received the peace she desperately needed. It made my heart happy to hear the calm peace and assurance in her voice. Of course, my friend’s troubles are not over and the current issue is far from corrected, but she has the Spirit to help her go forward. I am so grateful for a loving Father who will help us through the seemingly impossible trials in our lives.

It's All About Tonight

2010-11-22T13:17:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was listening to the radio, and a particular song caught my ear. It’s got a great sound, and I like the singer’s voice; however, its message made me think and then laugh. It celebrated partying and having fun. It said, “It’s all about tonight!”
Hmm. If it is all about tonight, then I need to reexamine things. Let’s see, tonight I have to fix dinner, lasso children to help clean up and do homework, have family home evening- which is always accompanied by weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, get kids ready for and into bed, and so much more.
When it comes down to it, as hard as family life is, it really is all about tonight. It’s about staying calm when children aren’t nice to each other or to me. It’s about TRYING to invite the Spirit into our home. It’s about showing compassion and love to children and spouse when I really want to go hide under my bed and not come out until they’re all asleep. It’s about teaching my children the gospel of Jesus Christ as well as living it. It’s about following the prophet and having FHE when my kids say it is their least favorite time of the week -besides Sunday, of course. It’s about spending the time with my family that they need. It’s about taking time to communicate with my Father in Heaven.
It’s not about partying, meeting a new member of the opposite sex, and living it up. It is about living the commandments, receiving the blessings, and feeling the Spirit. When should we do these things? Right now- this day, this evening, this night. It really is all about tonight.

The Doctrine of Christ

2010-11-14T07:18:00.000-08:00

I have just listened to a fabulous
CES fireside by Elder Ballard. The Spirit touched my heart, gave me hope, and encouraged me to improve my efforts so that I can grow closer to my Savior. I wanted to share it with you. Let me know your thoughts and feelings about the words of this apostle of Jesus Christ.

http://lds.org/video/ces/index.html?lang=english

Who are you?

2010-10-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that Halloween has come and gone! I just can’t stand it. I’m not sure why. Alright, maybe it’s because I gain ten pounds as I inhale miniature candy bars by the fist full, or maybe it has something to do with the annual argument with my son. He doesn’t understand why I don’t want him dressing up as something like Satan’s Guardian. Hmm. Someday he’ll get it.
This year, during Trick or Treat time, it was pouring rain, and the neighborhood kids were bundled up in coats. However, this did not detour them, or their soggy parents. They were still determined to get their candy. As they came to our door, my husband would say to them things like, “Who are you?”, “What are you supposed to be?”
I got to thinking about this. Imagine how it was from my perspective. I couldn’t see the children, just heard them answer my husband’s questions. They would answer, in excited tones,”I’m Harry Potter”, “I’m a witch”, “I’m a zombie”, “I’m a lady bug.” etc.
I know it sounds strange to compare Trick or Treating with spiritual things, but it brought to mind another meeting. When we knock at his door, what will be our response to Heavenly Father’s similar questions? Will we be able to say, “I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.”, “I am polished by adversity.”, “I am changed by the grace of the atonement.”, “I am clean.”, or “I am yours, Father.”? Will we be excited to enter his presence, and receive all that he has, because we have repented, stretched spiritually, consecrated ourselves and our lives and received Christ’s image in our countenances?
I invite you to evaluate your current responses to the questions my husband asked our neighborhood children: “Who are you? What are you supposed to be?” Because our lives are different, each of us will have different answers. But, our goal is the same- to become like Christ. In this process, we need not pretend to be something other than who we are- children of Father in Heaven. We need no artificial disguises of righteousness. We need only to become righteous, or more so, more charitable, more humble, more malleable, and more like Christ.

Don't give up!

2010-10-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

I recently made a new friend, and her story breaks my heart. I long to comfort her, and take away her sorrow. But, that is something only the Savior can completely do. Speaking about trials, she writes: “I was taken away from my parents when I was only 3 days old. I was found by authorities with a broken collar bone and had not been fed or changed for days. I was placed in a foster home for 3 years. I don't know how or why I was returned to my parents but I was. At the age of 5 my parents divorced and I went with my mother never to see my father again until the age of 18. My mother was the youngest child of 10 and she moved me down to her family. I had my problems looking back at a very young age and no one helped me or asked me why. In the first grade I can remember stealing from other kids. This behavior stayed with my thru out my school career. At the age of 7 to 17 I was sexually abused by many men. Starting with my mothers boyfriends. The major of my abuse came from my mother’s older brother. His abuse was daily and I didn't know if I was going to make it to school or not. My mother was the physically abusive to me. I looked too much like my father and therefore I deserved to be hit every time she walked by me. I finally told my mother about my abuse at age 15. She did nothing to keep me safe and because I had told I was an outcast in my family. I removed myself from my home at the age of 17 and that was the day that I feel apart and have been that way ever since. It's hard to explain but it was like the day I left is the day I died. I know longer had to fight for my life daily because the threat was gone however that is all I knew how to do. I stop living that day. I have struggled every since. I wasn't raised in any church matter of fact just the opposite. The adversary was a mighty force in our family. I joined The Church of Latter-Day Saints 12 years ago. Many people would say that I have come along way since they met me but I don't see it. I have never allowed anyone to get to close to me and that even includes Heavenly Father and the Savior. I long for it but am scared of the unknown. Your book has encouraged me to start changing my attitude and looking to find Holy Places in my life.

Although our challenges or different they are somewhat the same as they both lead us to the Savior and his Healing Power. I look forward to learning more about Grace. Boy do I need that one in my life. Thank you for letting me share with you part of my story. It's only part of my story because I'm just now learning and believing that the Savior can play a major role in healing me. So I will have to write back on the rest of my story.”

If this hits a little close to home for you, please know that you are worth loving and that healing is available through Jesus Christ and his atonement. Making and then keeping covenants with Heavenly Father will bring meaning and purpose to the struggles we face.

It isn’t fair that my new friend, and many, many others, are put into such difficult life situations, but this life isn’t about fairness. This life is about finding Christ and allowing him to help us grow and stretch until we are able to rest with him in a better world. There is a place where no hurt or physical or emotional damage will be done to us. There is a place where we will find joy, acceptance and real, pure love. There is a place prepared for you and me where mortality can do no more harm. The way to find this place is through the Way. It is the Way. Jesus really is the Christ. For me, this means that he is there to save, carry and love me every day. He is there to give me courage and strength when I have neither. He is the one who has already suffered for my sins and is anxious for me to repent and find peace. He is there to lead me back to the Father.

Don’t give up, my friend, and those friends whose stories I don’t know. Don’t give up the battle to live a Christ centered life. He will help. I know it. He loves you perfectly.

A Good Gift

2010-10-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

I have had a few months where I have felt pretty horrible physically. I am doing better now, but for a while, my doctors had no clue what was wrong. In fact, I had three of them say to me, “I don’t know what to do with you.” Isn’t that a fun diagnosis?
One day, while I was lying in bed feeling yucky and discouraged, my little boy came in to lay by me. As we were talking, he said that he wished I could still see. I agreed. Then he changed his outlook and said,” But, seeing blackness is a good gift.” I smiled at this one. He then patted my arm and said something that melted my heart, “You are a good gift, Momma.” Isn’t that darling?
My son’s simple comments that day, not only lifted my sad heart, but helped me look for the “good gift(s)” in my life. Even seeing blackness is a gift because it means I am still alive to care for my cute little family- even when they drive me crazy.
If you are reading this, you are a good gift! You really are. You are alive to do the Father’s will for you. If you are discouraged, like I was, look for those good gifts in your life. They might even be the things that get you down.

Trials

2010-08-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

In studying for a Sunday School lesson, I found this quote about the purpose of trials. I hope my rough spots are smoothing out. What do you think?

The Prophet Joseph Smith said: “I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; and the only polishing I get is when some corner gets rubbed off by coming in contact with something else, … knocking off a corner here and a corner there. Thus I will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 304).
Can you relate?

Sea Ranch

2010-08-12T10:50:00.000-07:00

I recently returned from a vacation to the northern California coast at a place called the Sea Ranch. It is a beautiful 10 mile area along the cliffs of the ocean on one side and redwood forests on the other. Growing up, Sea Ranch was a wonderful place where my parents took my siblings and me, and it was fun to be able to allow my two boys to enjoy it.
One evening, I sat alone on the beach, my feet in the sand near where the tide came in. I felt the breeze on my skin and listened to the waves crash off shore. It was so peaceful and calming to me.
I felt that in such a state, some great wisdom should come to me. I waited and listened, and waited and listened. My thoughts were only, “I’m sitting here in the sand and can’t see a dang thing!” Well, that certainly wasn’t anything new or wise. But, that reality led me to think about my life in the dark and my hope in the resurrection. I wouldn’t always have physical troubles. They will end. The things I wish I could see, like the powerful waves crashing right in front of me, wouldn’t be lost forever. I would some day see things more beautiful than the ocean and beech. If I endure well, I will see the Lord. I recommitted to myself to be more patient and faithful- to keep going.

I’m grateful for my knowledge of Jesus Christ and my hope in him which helps me move forward.
Elder Orson F. Whitney said: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven” (quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, 98). So, we'll keep on keeping on. Grin.

Summer Challenge

2010-07-07T14:28:00.001-07:00

The month of June has been a tough one for me. I have had some health problems-nothing huge- and have not felt much like posting. However, I am pulling out of the hole of illness and hope to be finding my personality again.
My Relief Society has issued another invitation. In order to prepare for October General Conference, we will be studying the previous Conference. Join me in taking this challenge. We’ll read 3 talks each week and share what we learn, think, and feel. Sound good?
I’ve already read this week’s assigned talks and especially loved Elder Uchtdorf’s address. One thing that really hit me is that when I show impatience, I am manifesting selfishness. Ouch! So, this morning I have really been working on being more patient with my boys. So far, so good. Well, I did have one little slip up.
Let me know what you learn.

Summer CHALLENGE
May 2010 Conference Addresses

Week of: July 4 Faith Welcome to Conference (4)
The Rock of Our Redeemer (16)
Continue in Patience (56)
July 11 Virtue Remember Who You Are! (120)
Video Presentation: I Have (123)
July 18 Adversity Turn to the Lord (78)
All Things Work Together for Good (101)
Your Happily Ever After (124)
July 25 Values “And Upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit” (10)
Our Path of Duty (13)
When the Lord Commands (38)
Act in All Diligence (60)
Aug 1 Values Preparation Brings Blessings (64)
Developing Good Judgment and Not Judging Others (103)
Be of a Good Courage (114)
Never, Never, Never Give Up! (117)
Aug 8 Family: Children Help Them on Their Way Home (22)
Watching with All Perseverance (40)
That Our Children Might See the Face of the Savior (81)
Aug 15 Family: Children Our Duty to God: The Mission of Parents and Leaders (95)
Things Pertaining to Righteousness (106)
Tell Me the Stories of Jesus (108)
Aug 22 Family: Motherhood Mothers and Daughters (18)
Mothers Teaching Children in the Home (29)
Mother Told Me (98)
Aug 29 Priesthood the Power of the Priesthood (6)
Healing the Sick (47)
The Magnificent Aaronic Priesthood (54)
Sept 5 Service When the Lord Commands (38)
“You Are My Hands” (68)
Sept 12 Additional Doctrine The Blessing of Scripture (32)
The Divine Call of a Missionary (51)
Sept 19 Additional Doctrine Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul (44)
Generations Linked in Love (91)
Sept 26 Jesus Christ He Lives! All Glory to His Name! (75)
We Follow Jesus Christ (83)
He Is Risen! (87)
A Word at Closing (112)

Conference October 2nd and 3rd

Hope In Good Things to Come

2010-06-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

I have been writing another book and thought you might like a sneak peak. Here's one of my chapters. What do you think?

*****

After n hour, we finally arrived at our family reunion in a canyon near Salt Lake City, and I had one thing on my mind. I had to find the restroom.
Before we joined my husband’s family members around the camp fire, we detoured into the cabin. I opened the bathroom door, then closed and locked it. I leaned my cane in the corner, and got all ready to sit on the toilet. However, as I was sitting down, I reached out my hand to find the toilet, and instead, felt…a head of hair! Needless to say, I yanked up my pants extremely quickly.
Noting the altitude of the head, I deduced that it was a young head, and was probably a bit disturbed by what had flashed before its eyes. Trying to reassure my new friend, I inquired, “Was that scary?”
“Uh-huh.”
It spoke! The head could speak! Why it hadn’t found its voice earlier, I’m not sure, but I was glad to hear it nonetheless. After apologizing, I left my bathroom buddy, and walked out to the group- shaking my head in disbelief. When they saw me approach, the family asked me what was wrong.
“I’ll pay for therapy.” I said. “Some little girl in the bathroom is going to need it.”
You know, being able to look behind you does have its advantages.
I am amazed at the situations I get myself into. So many embarrassing things wouldn’t happen if only I could see. As things stand, however, I guess I’ll continue collecting experiences for my stand-up comedy routine.
But, not all my experiences are funny. There have been times that have been so difficult and discouraging, that I’ve longed to have my life back the way it was before my cancer and blindness. I miss the woman I used to be, and the things I was able to do.
I look back to my days of light, and wish things had turned out differently. Do you, like me, ever suffer from the “If only” syndrome? It is so easy to look to our past and say, “If only this or that hadn’t happened, then…”, “Why didn’t I…?”, or “Why did I…?”
Sure, we can benefit by remembering lessons learned, and good times we’ve had, but too much looking back can damage our spiritual eye sight. If we focus on mistakes, wallow in guilt or regret, hold tightly to grudges, or long for what has been lost, then our eyes are again removed from the Light. Our vision dims, and our progression slows.
It may be extremely difficult to move beyond sadness, anger or bitterness caused by past events. But, if we remain stuck in those emotions, we forfeit light which can lead us forward. It works the same when we long for the good days of the past. We may not live fully in today because yesterday was easier or happier.
“…I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experi¬enced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives” ( Brigham Young University 2008-2009 Speeches, Remember Lot’s Wife, Jeffrey R. Holland
13 January 2009).
I love the truth that faith points us, and helps us to move forward. Faith in Jesus Christ promises hope for good things to come. It brings meaning to our struggles, and offers courage to continue through dark times. Faith in Jesus Christ is light.
My life is definitely not easy, and I don’t like living every day in darkness. But my faith in my Savior leads me to have hope in what lies ahead. I invite you to allow Christ to hold and heal pain from the past. Allow his sacrifice to pay for sin- your own and those who have hurt you. Point yourself forward with hope in a loving God who wants your happiness. This takes work, of course, but our faith will bring the needed strength found through and in the atonement.
It’s true that I miss those far off days of light, but I know that the woman I was had not been polished enough to someday sit with my Savior and the Father. I needed to grow more. I needed to become more. Although I thought I would never again be happy after I went blind, my hope in Christ has brought me to a much better place- a place where joy still exists.
Whether our past is filled with sadness or joy, we cannot dwell there. This life is all about progression, and our individual growth will come as we keep our eyes firmly facing forward, not backward. Have hope. There is joy and happiness ahead. There are good things to come.

Grattitude

2010-05-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

Today, I finished The Book of Mormon. I made it through Moroni 9, which I never like to read. It hurts my heart to hear how horrible both the Lamanites and the Nephites behaved.
But, I found an answer to prayer amidst the yuck. Mormon writes to Moroni by saying, “let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God” (Moro. 9:6).
I’ve been really struggling lately as a mother. One of my sons is going through a difficult time and it affects the whole family and atmosphere of our home. I also home school him, and it is like pulling teeth to get him to do anything. I wonder if my efforts are making any difference. Some days, I just want to give up. It feels like every moment is filled with disrespect and contention. However, it is nothing compared to the atmosphere in which Mormon and Moroni lived.
I know that I must “labor diligently” and not cease, even when I don’t see results of my labors. I’m grateful for the grace of Christ spoken about in Moro. 10:32. I know that “his grace is sufficient” to help me in this situation and to help my son as well. I’ll continue pleading for that grace to help me through this difficult time.
This time, as I’ve studied the Book of Mormon, I have again felt gratitude and love for the truths in it. These truths can and do help me to stay on the path of righteousness. This book is like an old friend that I love spending time with. I know what’s coming next, and yet the Spirit brings different verses to my attention that I am in need of at the moment they’re needed. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to listen to the words that have been preserved to lead me back to Christ. Now, I’ll begin again.

"I will not deny the Christ"

2010-05-18T13:39:00.000-07:00

Well, the Nephites and the Jaradites are destroyed now. It doesn’t matter how many times I read The Book of Mormon, they always die. I’m saddened as I read and see their change from depending on the Lord, to hating those that believe in Christ.
Needless grief must have filled the souls of those 24 Nephites that stood on the hill and witnessed the annihilation of their people. No wonder Mormon mourns and records his mourning. His words should stand as a warning to us in our day to choose only Christ. If only his people would have stayed true, they would have been spared and even protected.
The people of Jarad end up in the same boat (after the barges, of course). They too seek to kill the prophets and turn their backs on the Lord. It seems incredible to me that they would rather die than repent.
Then, we have Moroni who has fought for his people, and watched them die. He then writes the words of the Book of Ether, and sees their destruction as well. He knows the perils of believing in Christ- the LamanittesLamanites are killing all who believe. Yet he declares, “ And I, Moroni, will not deny the Christ” (Moro. 1:3).
What a fantastic example and disciple of the Savior. Whereas his people would rather die than repent, Moroni would rather die than deny the Christ.
I am grateful for Moroni for enduring faithfully, and suffering loneliness and grief so that we could have the truthfulness of the gospel found in the Book of Mormon. He surely played a vital role in its coming forth.

In The Lord's Hands

2010-05-15T17:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Audrey for sharing a little part of her story with us.

***

“in early 2003, i was pregnant with my third child. the whole pregnancy was something of a spiritual experience. i had known all along that something was different. i could feel myself being prepared, and ,thoughts that seemed crazy at the time, raced through my mind about the potentials of what i could be facing. I, like most pregnant mothers, had a routine 20 week ultrasound scheduled, but this time i wasn’t anxious to race off to find out "what i was having"- as if thats the reason behind that test. So, i canceled my apt without even knowing why for sure. i rescheduled it for about a week later, with no real apparent explanation.
the day finally arrived and i felt as though i was headed to a funeral. the day itself was dark and gloomy and it paralleled my feelings. i was desperately concerned and even at that point, feared the baby (who was actually still moving inside me) was dead.
On the way into the hospital, i saw a few women outside- clearly pregnant- heading inside. one had just finished smoking, and i felt a surge of severe anger that her baby was healthy and mine was not. i felt very judgemental and angry. as i looked around the waiting room, that anger continued to grow as i began to dwell on how unfair this was. looking backwards with hindsight i of course see that my hand was far more blessed then theirs and guilt now surges my veins.
It didnt take long for the emotions on the technicians face to translate into concern. i quickly noticed the awkwardness of my babies feet and promptly started asking questions. i overwhelmed and scared her right out of the room. A tall lanky doc appeared and started reviewing her pics and taking his own, i over inundated him with questions. until he finally turned off the machine and quietly said, i think your baby has spina bifida and some other deformities. the rest was a blur. i started crying and, of course, so did nate. But i cried with relief that the unknown had become known and, that i now could focus on the task at hand, and move on.

he gave us a few min and then we met him down the hall in his office to talk about treatment plans. in this man's office, i learned how involved the Lord had been; how is hand had so intricately placed people and places in the right times and moments. the week prior when my apt was supposed to occur, this doc had been at a fetal surgery conference for the opening of a study called MOMS, for spina bifida fetal treatment. had i gone when i was supposed to, this particular doc would have been away and i would have met with a colleague instead. He had only been back one day, and the study itself would open for enrollment the following day. here was a treatment option placed intricately and timely in our laps.

as difficult as it was to take in the prognosis of what we were facing and what it meant, as bleak as it was and as emotionally devastated as we were, neither my husband or i could deny the presence and participation of the Lord. That office that day was a holy place for us."

Everlasting Kindness

2010-05-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful for the kindness of the Lord. I have loved reading again how he ministered to the troubled people of 3 Nephi after the massive destruction following his death. I can only imagine the terror that must have filled their hearts and minds as storms raged, the land changed, darkness enveloped, and their loved ones perished. Christ appeared to them, allowed them to feel the wounds in his body, gave the disciples power to baptize, taught them, provided the sacrament for them, healed their sick and ministered to their little children. He must have provided so much hope and comfort for them.
In chapter 22, Christ speaks about the gathering of Israel, and uses such words of love, saying, “but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed” (v. 10). With “mercy” (v. 8) and everlasting kindness” (v. 8) he will gather his people. Several times, Christ tells the people of Israel –as well as us- not to fear, but to trust that he will be there.
So many times in my life, I have found this to be true. He has not left me alone, but has shown me mercy and such everlasting kindness. I am so grateful for and depend upon his love and mercy. Without his kindness, there would be no way to make hard times into places of holiness.

Be converted that I may heal you

2010-04-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

Isn’t it so difficult to keep up with everything that needs to get done, and not loose your mind? That is how it’s been for me lately. I’ve been in and out of town for speaking assignments for Time Out For Women, trying to write a book, home school my son, help another son with home work, cook, clean, do laundry….all while not feeling the best. Call the wambulance-right?
I feel guilty about not being as consistent as I’d like to be with this blog. I had the naive` idea when I wrote Hard Times and Holy Places that my thousands of readers would send me their stories for me to share, but only a few have really written. So, the blogging is up to me.
As I listened to 3 Nephi 9 today, this line sounded so beautiful to me. Christ asked the people to repent and “be converted that I may heal you” (v. 13). Isn’t that fantastic. The closer we come to Christ through repentance and righteous living, we will receive healing. I know I need that, so I try to continue forward through the struggles. My faith is strong, but there is so much more to suffer, learn, experience and grow from so that I can be further converted. I love the promise of healing.
If you need healing, I invite you to follow this plea from the Savior. Healing is available and closer than you and I know.

I know he lives

2010-04-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

No worries. I haven’t dropped off the face of the Earth. I haven’t blogged for some time, but am still reading the Book of Mormon. I’m so grateful for the strength I feel as I read it.
I’ve been speaking a lot lately, and have begun Time Out For Women again this season. This past week end I was in Indianapolis, and met so many fabulous women. This week end I am off to Pittsburg. I love to be with the thousands of sisters and share my testimony of Jesus Christ. I thought of this great opportunity as I read 3 Nephi 5:13, “Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life.” Of course, I am not a prophet historian like Mormon, but I am grateful I can testify in my own sphere. I know he lives. I know he loves each one of us personally and infinitely. I’m so grateful for the knowledge I have of him and the Plan of Salvation.

A Better Cause

2010-03-29T06:38:00.000-07:00

The armies of the Lamanites were twice as numerous as the Nephites, and it would seem that the odds were against the Nephites, but the Lord was with them. While the Lamanites fought for power and monarchy,
“ Nevertheless, the Nephites were inspired by a better cause, for they were not fighting for monarchy nor power but they were fighting for their homes and their liberties , their wives and their children, and their all, yea, for their rites of worship and their church. “
“And they were doing that which they felt was the duty which they owed to their God” (Alma 43:45-46).
This gives me hope to fight on when troubles overwhelm me and I feel like giving up. I also can put my trust in the Lord and he will –and has- always delivered me.
We don’t have to loose heart. We don’t have to become hopeless. We can do what is needed with the power of the Lord which he’ll grant us if we turn to him. We can “fight for “a better cause”.

Deep in the Earth

2010-03-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

As I’ve been learning about the Anti-Nephi- Lehis, I’ve wondered about the significance of their burying their weapons “deep” in the earth. They could have thrown them in the river or sent someone to take them far away and get rid of them. But, they dug a deep whole and buried them.
They did this as a testimony to the Lord- to show him of their Ernest intent and complete repentance of their sins. They turned to Christ and completely away from their former ways.
When our difficulties and hard times come from our sins or wrong choices and we try to repent, how dedicated our we to turning away from our sins? Do we burry them “deep”, or do all we can to leave them behind? Do we desire so much to be like Christ that we’d do anything not to repeat our offense? Real repentance is just what these followers of Christ show us. They did all in their power – including die- in order to keep their covenants. They were grateful for the atonement and mercy of Christ so their stains could be washed away. They did not hold onto their sins just incase they needed them later.
Are we this dedicated to our covenants? Are we this grateful for the atonement? Do we hold onto our temptations and not completely give up our options to sin?
I know that as we follow the example of these righteous saints, we will become more like our Savior and many of our hard times will be avoided.

Reason to Rejoice

2010-03-07T07:30:00.000-08:00

I’ve learned something new in Alma chapter eight this morning. When Alma sorrows because of the wickedness of the people of Amoniha, and angel appears to him, and before giving him instruction, he encourages him and blesses him. Then, Alma is told that he has reason to rejoice. When he follows the command to return to the city, Alma goes by a different way. Here he meets Amulek whom the Lord has prepared to care for him and join Alma’s ministry.
Now, what could be new in this account? It’s the same story I’ve read many times, but I see a pattern for myself. When I’m discouraged and ready to give up, the Lord is there with encouragement and instruction. He helps me see that I have reason to rejoice. I then can return to the problem in another way which the Lord has prepared for me.
I know that problems in the life can become more than we can handle, but we are not left to face those problems alone. We have reason to rejoice. New ways will be shown to us in order for our success. “Moreover, though we live in a failing world, we have not been sent here to fail” (Neal A. Maxwell, “Encircled in the Arms of His Love,” Ensign, Nov 2002, 16).
Our Savior will help us even in, and especially in, extremely difficult circumstances. He is the reason to rejoice.

Light and Life

2010-02-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

Mosiah 16: 9
He is the alight and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death.

When I first lost my sight, I longed for light. I really went through withdrawals-wishing I could burst the darkness that surrounded me both emotionally and physically. I was fighting for my life and wasn’t sure I would make it. I was definitely in darkness.

I came across these words from Abinadi which gave me hope, strength and comfort to face the experience I found myself in. I knew that Christ was both the light and the life. Those were the two things I most needed, and I could turn to him when I most needed these things.

I am so grateful for the scriptures and for the power of the Spirit to carry their truth into my frightened and aching heart. I know that Jesus Christ overcame death so that he could free us from its grasp. I know that his light leads, warms, warns and comforts.

He Will Console You

2010-02-05T16:22:00.000-08:00

I received an email this week from a new friend. He explained a little of the struggles he has been facing and my heart broke for him and his family. As I read the doctrine in Jacob 3 and 4 this week, this man’s story came to mind. Although our sins may be different, the source for comfort, feeling and forgiveness is the same. I love this promise, “ BUT behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions , and he will plead your cause…O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm , forever”(Jacob 3:1,2).
Although sin has brought pain and misery to my friend, it is wonderful that Jesus Christ offers forgiveness, peace and hope as he has turned to the Savior. This is his story::

My trial, unfortunately, is largely if not mostly of my own doing. I wanted to let you know that even if our trials come because of sin, as we turn toward the Lord in true repentance He will still consecrate our trials and performance for our gain and our welfare. I know this because I have felt His love and His strength lifting and guiding me each day, and discovering my relationship with my Savior through this trial has certainly been a gain for me.

I am recently divorced because of dishonesty and deceit that I brought into my marriage of 15 years to a wonderful woman. I have been struggling for most of my life with an addiction to pornography that has taken me into dark places that I am trying to forget. Because of pride and fear I lied and deceived instead of letting my help-meet be what an eternal companion was intended to be, a companion. I hurt her deeply and my consequences have been a divorce that at times has left me feeling like my heart will just stop because of the pain. I have four young children who need their daddy to be whole and worthy of the Priesthood. My only hope and comfort through this time has been the growing knowledge that my Father in Heaven knows me personally and that He loves me despite my sins. I know that he gave my wife the courage she needed to walk away from this marriage so that I could find the Lord in a way that would make a difference in my life. I can truly say that I have been humbled by my sins and humbled by the scope and magnitude of the Saviors divine Atonement. I have finally been able to be free of my addiction for six months now. This may not seem like much success to some, but it has brought me joy, hope, and peace that I had never known before. I know what it feels like to be able to repent of smaller sins each week and take the Sacrament worthily. Tomorrow I will go to the Temple worthily for the first time in my life! The Savior has shown me what is truly important in life...a close relationship with Him despite everything else.

I know that my struggles are not over. I still feel such loss and pain every day. However, I will now more fully consecrate my actions to the Lord with more faith that He will create a future for me that is better than what I could create on my own. I have faith and hope that He will support me in my trials as I turn to Him. I know that the Atonement is for everyone. Even the vilest of sinners!”

Christ in 2 Nephi

2010-01-28T06:20:00.000-08:00

I don’t understand all of the chapters in 2 Nephi which quote the words of Isaiah, but I do understand the main theme. The House of Israel must turn to Christ. He is the only means of deliverance, the only way to peace, and the only way to the Father.
Since I am of that house, the message holds true for me. In trouble, in sadness, in everything, I must turn to Christ. When life becomes overwhelming, I know my Savior will help me.
I echo these words, “ Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation” (2 Nephi 22:2). I know this is true.

The Temple

2010-01-28T06:14:00.000-08:00

As I read the description of the world in this chapter, I realize how much it describes our day. There is so much evil in the world, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. But, I don’t think it a coincidence that this chapter starts with the temple and, to me, a reminder to go up to it.
I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have to worship in the house of the Lord. It is wonderful to go often and to hear the promises that are mine according to my faithfulness. I take comfort and receive peace through sacred covenants which I have made there, and know that however wicked this world becomes; there is safety in the Lord.
Recently, I have received a prompting that, honestly, I didn’t want to have to obey. While in the temple, I pondered and prayed. I asked Father in Heaven if he really wanted me to do this particular thing, and I was given feelings and thoughts in my mind that confirmed that prompting. I knew that it was the Spirit communicating truth to my spirit, and I knew I could obey with the help of the Lord.
I am so grateful for a place of peace where I can commune with the Father, receive light and truth, and learn the sacred things of eternity that help me through the difficulties right here and now.

Are you Happy?

2010-01-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

Nephi makes a statement in 2 Nephi 5 that has always intrigued me. He says, “we lived after the manner of happiness” (2Nephi 5:27). I’ve thought a lot about this. What does that mean- the manner of happiness? We are given clues in this chapter to the Nephites’ habits of happiness. After Nephi prayed, having been threatened again by those darn angry brothers, the people followed counsel and left their dangerous circumstances. They believed the warnings and revelation of the Lord and the words of the prophet. The people tried to obey the commandments and the law. Then, here is the key, “the Lord was with us and we did prosper”( 2 Nephi 5:11). So, when they labored, they were blessed with abundance.
Perhaps, the “manner of happiness” is actually a way to live –a method or a standard which will lead to happiness. When I think of the most happy person, I think of the Lord filled with joy. If we substitute his name for the word “happiness”, then maybe this will make more sense. Nephi could have said that they lived after the manner of Christ. The things they did, the way they live, pointed their souls to Christ, who brings true happiness and joy.
Also, Nephi did not say that they were always happy. He just described the way they lived –“after the manner of happiness”. So, they didn’t walk around in a constant state of glee, but they directed their lives in such a way that they were in the right position to receive happiness.
The next time you or I are not feeling happy, we can look closely at our lives and the direction we are pointed. Are we following the habits Nephi described? Are we seeking to have the spirit of the Lord with us? Are we laboring with our might so that we can be in the best position to receive an abundance of joy? Are we really living“after the manner of happiness”- the manner of Christ? How will we change so that we can answer, “Yes.”?

The Good Part

2010-01-19T12:39:00.000-08:00

After teaching his sons of the great doctrine of agency, Lehi says, “I have chosen the good part” (2 Nephi 2:30). I love this statement. What a great example to his family and also to me. There is so much in this world that demands our attention, yet you and I are given the ability and responsibility to choose for ourselves. To what will we give our time and energies? Will it be “the good part”? Or, will we choose that which is evil and of no worth when we are enticed to do so?
Christ is” the good part”. His way, his gospel, his atonement is the part of this life which is truly good. All that is good around us comes from Him.
Additionally, after choosing, we then can act. Lehi teaches that there are “things to act, and things to be acted upon”(2 Nephi 2:14) As God’s children, you and I do not have to be acted upon, but we can and must do the acting. Our choices and actions must be deliberately focused on the “good part”. We do not have to be held back by our circumstances, disadvantages, disabilities, etc. We “are free to choose liberty and eternal life” (2 Nephi 2:27). What a wonderful gift!
Lehi’s statement, reminds me that each day, I should focus all my efforts on choosing “the good part” and then go forward and do it.

Tired & Hungry?

2010-01-16T13:49:00.000-08:00

It is interesting to me to see the polar opposites in the behaviors and attitudes of Nephi and Laman and Lemuel. Take the situation they faced in 1 Nephi 16. They were exhausted and hungry-which I can relate to. When Nephi’s bow would no longer work to obtain food, the rest of the group blamed him for their misery. Although the bows of the other family members had broken as well, they still blamed Nephi. I can picture them all gathered around complaining and getting angry. They didn’t choose to better their predicament.
Instead of getting angry and defensive, Nephi got to work and made another bow. Then he went to his father and priesthood leader for direction. He received instructions from the Lord through the Liahona, and went to the mountain tops where he was able to find food.
Now, I’m pretty grouchy when I am tired and hungry, so I can understand the natural temptation to become upset; however, Nephi provides a better way to deal with the situation. When things are difficult and I feel like blaming another, or getting upset, which doesn’t change anything, I can get up, get to work, seek direction and help from my father and priesthood leaders, and then receive instructions through the Spirit. I then can move forward, take action and progress with a plan to correct the problem, or make it through the challenge. I hope that I can act more like Nephi.
This talk about food is making me hungry. I think I’ll go have some lunch, but probably not wild beasts.

Dwell vs. Dwindle

2010-01-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

I have always love words. It seems that some words sound like their meaning. Take for example, “dwell” and “dwindle” from The Book of Mormon. When the people dwell in righteousness, they are stable and firm in the gospel-they dwell in the bright light provided by Christ. But, when they “dwindled in unbelief” (1Nephi 12:22), their faithfulness faded away, decreased, or shrank. I picture the fading light of a candle as it burns down.
Whenever I hear these two words as I read, I ask myself questions to determine how stable or firm I am in the faith of Jesus Christ. Am I doing those things which will keep me anchored to my Savior? Are there things I should stop doing which are causing me to dwindle from that which I know is true?
It is interesting that as we read the story of the Nephites and Lamanites, we can see which way their behaviors, attitudes and words will lead them. They are either pointed in the direction to dwindle, or to stay firm in the faith and dwell.
I invite you to join me in evaluating your direction. Are you dwindling, or dwelling? What will you do or stop doing to keep you pointed to and dwelling with Christ?

Nephi's Example

2010-01-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

Nephi is a great example to me when I am faced with a difficult challenge. Sometimes things seem simply impossible. I struggle to see how they will work out, but I have to trust that Father will direct things for my good.
When he goes back to get the plates from Laban, after he and his brothers had tried everything they could think of on their own, Nephi says, “And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do” (1 Nephi 4:6).
Nephi didn’t know how to solve the problem, but moved forward, trusting he would be directed. That is a key, I think, when things seem too hard. If we seek the Spirit, and live worthy of its companionship, we will be led, even if we don’t know exactly how to accomplish what we are asked to do.
I am dealing with a difficult situation right now, and I can’t see what I can do to help the outcome be positive. I am doing all I know how to do, and it may not be enough. But, I am trying to trust that I will be led by the Spirit. It’s hard, but it has got to be better than cutting off Laban’s head and then putting on his dirty clothes. I’ll have to remember that when I feel like cracking under the stress. J

The Testimony of The Prophet Joseph

2010-01-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

I am so grateful that Father in Heaven knows each of us by name and will teach us individually, in the exact way we can understand, what we need to know to accomplish the difficult things we are called to do. Joseph was taught by Moroni. This in its self is amazing to my human mind, but so natural to my spirit. Of course, Father would send the one who had charge over the plates to instruct the next person in his duty concerning them. And the repetition of his instructions to Joseph remind me that Father will do all he can to help us learn all we need to know.
I think of my children, and how often I say something like, “How many times do I have to tell you to do this?” Well, if I were trying to be like Father, I would ask, instruct, help and encourage as many times as it takes. Maybe these little children, are my little “angels” actually teaching me the lessons I need to learn- patience, tolerance, kindness, charity…. It sure is difficult sometimes, but if I look at it this way, hopefully, I can learn the lesson and not get disgusted that it takes so long and is so tiring. Afterall, Joseph got no sleep the night his instructions were repeated over and over. The next day, he was exhausted, and couldn’t do his work. It was then that his instructions continued and the message was repeated again.

I hope that I can have the same response as Joseph when I am asked to do extremely difficult things in my life. Joseph simply stated, “I obeyed”.

Introduction

2010-01-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

The thing that most stands out to me in the introduction is that The Book of Mormon, “puts forth the doctrines of the gospel, outlines the plan of salvation, and tells men what they must do to gain peace in this life”. When I think of the book in this light, why wouldn’t I study from its pages and feast on its words? Why would I let insignificant yet pressing things take me away from spending times in its pages? Yet, I all too often fall into that trap.

However, I know that the truths expressed above from the Introduction are true. There have been so many times in my life when I’ve been discouraged or have just needed comfort and peace. In these times, I have often turned to the passage in 2 Nephi 4 to receive these blessings. As I have read Nephi expressing his sorrows and subsequent determination to trust Christ, it has given me reassurance and the comfort I have so desperately needed.

So many in the world seek this peace, and it is right here in the Book of Mormon, because it leads men to Jesus Christ and his doctrine and saving atonement.

The Title Page?

2010-01-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

As I asked myself, “What in the world can the title page of The Book of Mormon teach be about making my hard times into holy places?”, I found the answer in the first few lines. This ancient record was made by “
commandment, and also by the spirit of prophecy and of revelation.” So, if I read the record looking for help and answers, I will receive them in the same way it was written- through prophesy and revelation.

The Spirit can and has taught me through personal revelation as I have studied The Book of Mormon and searched for the doctrine of Christ within its pages. For example, I remember a time on my mission when I just felt like giving up. Every day was so difficult and I didn’t feel like I was doing much good. I came across a passage in 1 Nephi 3. No, it’s not verse 7- which you’d expect. It was the verse before. I read it this way,” Therefore go, my ]daughter], and thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast not murmured.”

I knew that, although things were very difficult and I wanted to complain and give up, I would receive the Lord’s help if I did not murmur. It was that simple –not easy, but simple. Each time I was tempted to complain, I recited this verse in my mind and remembered the promise to Nephi. This helped me resist my impulse to murmur. I was definitely blessed by the Lord to find happiness even when it was difficult. I am grateful for the merciful gift of personal revelation.

The Invitation

2010-01-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

My ward’s Releif Society has invited its members to read the Book of Mormon in six months, and I am extending that invitation to you. Now, don’t worry, this isn’t one of the challenges where you have to read 10 pages per day. It goes by week and doesn’t fill me with stress to look at the assignments.

I love this promise from President Gordon B. Hinckley: “I hope that for you [studying the scriptures] will become something far more enjoyable than a duty; that, rather, it will become a love affair with the word of God. I promise you that as you read, your minds will be enlightened and your spirits will be lifted” (“The Light within You,” Ensign, May 1995, 99).

I certainly need an enlightened mind and a lifted spirit, so I am putting President Hinckley’s words to the test. I hope you will join me in this adventure to come to know the Savior better through the words of The Book of Mormon. Please let me know what the Spirit teaches you as you read, and please pass along this invitation to those around you. I know that the words we will study are true and will bring us the promises given by President Hinckley and will help us as we try to make our hard times become holy places.

January 3-Title Page, Introduction, Testimonies, 1 Nephi 1-11

January 10-1 Nephi 12-20

January 17-1 Nephi 21-2 Nephi 8

January 24-2 Nephi 9-25

January 31-2 Nephi 26 - Jacob 4

February 7- Jacob 5-Jacob 7, Enos, Jarom, Omni, Words of Mormon, Mosiah 1-3

February 14-Mosiah 4-16

February 21-Mosiah 17-29

February 28-Alma 1-10

March 7- Alma 11-19

March 14-Alma 20-31

March 21- Alma 32-42

Mar 28- Alma 43-52

Apr 4- Alma 53-63

April 11-Helaman 1-10

April 18-Helaman 11-3 Nephi 4

April 25- 3 Nephi 5-18

May 2- 3 Nephi 19-Mormon 3

May 9- Mormon 4-Ether 8

May 16- Ether 9-Moroni 10

"Can we talk?"

2009-11-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

Last night, after an evening of being totally irritated with my oldest son, something happened that changed my heart. When I went to make sure that he was asleep, he asked, “Mom, can we talk?”

I sat on his bed as he opened up to me, and shared his very tender feelings. His day hadn’t gone well, and finally, after 10:00 at night, he was ready to talk. It nearly broke my heart to hear him say, “I just don’t feel smart. I don’t feel like I am worth anything. I wonder, ‘Why me?’, and what I am on the earth for.”

We spoke heart-to-heart for quite a while, and worked through his feelings. Of course, I knew much of how he felt, but hearing this little boy –almost eleven-years-old- say them so sadly, reminded me of how fragile this tough guy is. He needed love and reassurance, and my irritation was replaced with love.

When I was young, I too seemed to want to talk to my mother late at night, when all she probably wanted to do was to sleep. However, my mom always listened when I was ready to open up.

Similarly, I know that Father in Heaven is always there to hear my cries and concerns. He never has something that is more important or urgent than you and me. When we are ready to talk, he is near-eager to encircle us with the love and reassurance we so desperately need.

I am grateful for the opportunity I had last night to really listen to the feelings of my son’s heart, and to promise him that his life was incredibly important. . I told him that Father in Heaven loves him so much, and he would send the Spirit to teach him of his worth.
Before we said good night, he plastered me with a bear hug and just held onto me. The love I have for him filled my heart, and I knew all the struggles I encounter because of him, were worth it.

Likewise, our Father loves us, even more than we can comprehend. We need not fear him, or worry that he will not accept us. He loves you and me perfectly and is ready to hear the tender feelings of our hearts.

Counsel from an appostle

2009-10-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

“Fourteen years ago the Lord took my wife beyond the veil. I love her with all my heart, but I have never complained because I know it was His will. I have never asked why but rather what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience. I believe that is a good way to face the unpleasant things in our lives, not complaining but thanking the Lord for the trust He places in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties.”
Richard G. Scott, “Temple Worship: The Source of Strength and Power in Times of Need,” Ensign, May 2009, 45

I love this counsel and encouragement.

Trusting in the Lord....still

2009-09-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

This faith filled story comes from a sweet woman who has sought holy places through her hard times. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

******

“One of our trials came through our second son, Daniel. He was born in 1975. At the age of 3 ½ after a couple months of severe illness, he was diagnosed with stage 4 non Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He spent 6 weeks in the hospital the first go round, 3 of them in intensive care where he endured a cardiac arrest and a respiratory arrest before he came home. We went to the clinic about 5 days a week for several months for treatments, etc. Then, his lungs became very sick again and he spent another 6 weeks in the hospital enduring all kinds of tests, and another lung biopsy. After this hospitalization he withdrew inside himself and became as a baby, which was pretty scary. I had to force feed him and change diapers again! But, he emerged from that like a flower after several weeks.

Some time during all of that I thought it was unfair that he have to endure all of this… Again and I cried mightily unto the Lord….in the middle of a bathroom in the hospital. It was that place that became a Holy Place to me and my soul was comforted and I knew things would be alright—whether he lived or died. That was our first year.

Fast forward through other things, (like a 107 degree fever for a week), where he had a major seizure, due to the intrathecal chemotherapy they administered (into the spinal canal) which was an overload on his system. They couldn’t get the seizure stopped for hours and he was once again admitted to the hospital for a little bit after a crazy ride in an ambulance. He was a real fighter.

When he was 5 he had a relapse in his brain and had radiation for a month. He endured many biopsies and sickness (due to the chemotherapy) for 6 years! Then, when he was 9 he had a bone marrow transplant which was a real trial for the whole family where he sustained not only the lethal doses of chemotherapy and radiation but many other trials, not to mention he and I had to live in Seattle for 5 months. Our family was 3 hours away and they came up on weekends. The year after the transplant he started having little seizures, which to this day he still has occasionally. He also had to have growth hormone shots for 2 years as his bone plates were closing too fast due to the radiation. He is now 34. It’s been 25 years since his transplant! He has very little short term memory due to the effects of everything on his little developing mind during those early years. He has some long term memory and also has a few other little disabilities. But, he is able to work at a grocery store and for the most part can take care of himself with a little help. He still lives with us, but at times it is difficult. He can not drive. But, we are so blessed. I learned during all those long years more about Heavenly Father and his sacrifice of His son for us. It became a Holy Place.”

My heart is a holy place.

2009-08-31T13:41:00.000-07:00

I hope that by posting these wonderful and faith filled stories, you are gaining hope in the Savior. It’s true, some of the things shared are heart- wrenching, but it teaches me that Father is continually there to help and love us through the difficulties.

Here is a message from my new friend Laura. Thanks Laura for sharing your struggles and faith.
Love,
Kris
***

“ My first holy place I can remember was when I was a toddler looking up at the window of our trailer door. It was dark out side and as I gazed up at the stars in that window I had an impression come to me that Heavenly father was there and that this was his creation. wow! I think he gave me that because I was going to have a childhood that had some trauma in it and this was to help me through it. At about 5 a big thunder storm came through hurricane ,where I lived, I was afraid ,very much so, I didn't feel as if I had any one to console me so I prayed and as I looked out at the storm in the window above my bed God told me that He was in control of that storm and that I was going to be o.k. I have looked back on that experience and holy place in my life often. and I am grateful to my heavenly father for loving me and teaching me so young that he knew me and was in control of my life if I’d let him be.
I grew up in a home where my mother had left my father shortly after I was born. She remarried to a man that was an alcoholic. He was very abusive to my mother when he was drunk. many times I felt I had to be in charge and watch over my smaller two sisters and brother. We were put out side many times left to ourselves. We lived on a 14 acre place and played about it and did have many fun hours together, despite the reasons we were left there alone. I even felt I had to watch over my mother. I would run up the street to get the sheriff at times to protect my mom.
My little sister Janice was hit by a car one day while riding her tricycle. she was taken to salt lake and her leg was removed just below the knee. She then had to learn how to use crutches and later a wooden leg. This was very painful for her. She became so frustrated with that leg at times she just would go with out it and hop every where! She learned to ride a two wheeler with that one leg. She later had to wear a body cast, I think she had fallen and broke something, I don't remember what. Mom had to carry that heavy little thing around .I learned that my mom was strong at a very young age in more ways then one . As I watched my sister go through her trials of suffering and her resilient spirit and ability to smile and laugh and my moms ability to persevere I had a holy place begin to grow in my heart.
My other sister, Karen was burned 75 percent of her body at age 3. She was life flighted to California’s burn center. many operations and much suffering beyond any thing I can comprehend came . I was devastated. I was about 7 then. When that little girl came home I became her help every minute of the day and night. I probably drove my mom crazy with it. I watched as my mom would un bandage her and clean her wounds and put salve on them and bandage her back up. my mom became an angel to me as I watched her care for my sister. her strength would later be something I would look back on many times. I watched as the therapist came to our house and gave her therapy for the arm that was burned and bent up into its self to release it so she would have better use of it as she grew. that was so painful for her. I watched as she cried and listened as she moaned because of the pain. I felt helpless and I felt I wanted to help but knew I couldn't this was her trial. I could comfort her and I could be there for her. God was teaching me to serve. Those days and years became a holy place.
When I was 10 my mother divorced and remarried.
Our cellar flooded and wheat and mud filled it about 2 feet deep. we would carry buckets down ,fill them up then return up to dump them. My brother and I got into an argument and I slammed the shovel into the floor and yelled at him to get my point across and as I did I fell to the floor and cut my left hand on a broken glass jar. I wasn't aware I had hurt my self so my brother told me I was bleeding and as I looked I realized my whole hand had nearly been cut off ,it was just hanging there. I went through surgeries to recover the use of my hand. I had cut all my nerves and tendons ,barely missed the main tendon and muscle to my thumb. I had to learn to use the hand all over again. I remember going into the 1st surgery to have my nerves put together. I woke up thinking I’d be able to feel again. I believed I would ,I had been given a blessing and I really believed I would. It didn't happen the way I wanted it to. The dr. found an infection and cleaned it and just closed it up. I had to wait for another time to get it fixed. I was hurt. I eventually regained about 95 percent of the use in my hand.
I thought life was going to be great now that my mom had remarried and I was going to have a real dad. and, for a while I was in heaven. we took missionary lessons, we kids had been going to church and I had been baptized, but my mom and new dad had not been active. she had been baptized as a child and so had her husband. We where able to be sealed in the St. George temple and I had a very special experience then. As we were at the alter and our hands were placed on each other, I placed mine over my brothers and I had a feeling of almost electric like go from my hand into my body. I knew that the sealing power was real and I would never doubt it. That was a holy place. I knew then that I was going to go to the temple when I grew up.
When I was 12 my brother was hit by a truck on the high way just out side cedar city as he and our new dad were changing a tire. My dad was flipped up and rolled down the road, receiving internal bruising and road burns up his back and side. my brother had been taking a rest in the spare tire as it lay on the side while our dad was getting the flat one off. when the truck hit my dads truck it knocked the tire and my brother down the road. he received head injuries, in fact the whole top of his head came off. my dads mom was there and just helped my brother and held his head together until the ambulance got there. I think about her and her strength and what she did for my brother and I find that an example in my life, a holy place of service and compassion.
As I grew up my dad did some things that caused me to loose trust in him and He had hurt my sister and brother and was verbally abusive to our family. I’m not sure what began to happen inside of him. we were not allowed to spend time with my moms family any more and I missed the close relationship I had had with my cousins and aunts and uncles and grand parents. We were not allowed to do allot of things and I began to resent him . He became very forceful and it seemed to me, mean.

later in life as I was driving I was talking to god about my resentment toward my dad. he told me that some day, when my dad had gone through a repentance and paid for what he had done I would see that I loved him and that he was the dad I needed. That was a holy place.

My brother got involved in drugs at about age 12 and began to run away from home , away from my dad. He was placed in a foster home. then returned back home later only to be physically and mentally abused by our dad. this was a hard time for me and I often wondered where my heavenly father was at that time. I kept active in church because that was where I felt love and needed. Church became my holy place along with the times I got to go to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. I starved for the spirit in my life. I took every opportunity to be where it was.

When I was 17 a young man moved up the street and around the corner from me. I was giving a talk in sacrament mtg. he walked in late and sat down. I knew right there that he was who I was going to marry. In the following months we got to know each other and dated and we were married in June after I had graduated from high school. Later my husband told me that on our first date as we walked around the temple and got to the side near the baptismal area doors he had an impression that he should ask me to marry him. We were married in the St. George temple. My dream was coming true and it sort of felt like a Cinderella story. I felt I would be a happily ever after person . I came to realize that happily ever after isn't always what you think it is nor does it always come the way you think it should come. But, that happily ever after really does happen, its just that sometimes it comes in ways we don't expect.
My husband and I would soon find out why God had put us together. after we had had 5 of our own children we were faced with taking on one of my husbands sisters kids. She was a drug addict. this little boy needed to be with us and so we went through the foster care training and court to fight for him. years later we would loose him to the foster care system again because of his problems that came because of the trauma and abuse he received as a little boy in his mothers care. He had done things to our children that made it not safe to keep him in our home. so, we were then his parents long distance. that was hard and as I sat in the temple one day after going to court and going through the testing for him I went into a sealing room and cried , I felt I had let god down, but I found that I hadn’t, that this little boy needed what we had given him and god was ok with it. That was a holy place.
Later we would again be inspired to take two more of his sisters kids-a girl and a boy. we had to fight very hard in court for them and it took allot of faith on our part . it took months and the whole time I was so worried for them . during this time we were allowed to have them in our home as foster kids. The girls father was not fighting for her so we relaxed a bit on her part and focused on the little boy. every night I would sing I am a child of god to him and away in a manger. I wanted him to know who he was just incase we couldn't keep him. I was so afraid for losing him. I had great love for him and his sister.
these hours were my holy place as we continued to pray and fast and hope. Finally in court the little boy was given to us . The little girl was made ours as well, but it was a scary thing. We went to court thinking everything was going well and her father would release his rights because he had not done any thing up to that point. He now had decided to fight. Our attorney spoke with the judge and we were allowed to keep the little girl, but during that moment when her father said he wanted her my heart sank. thoughts went through my head like, I had not tried hard enough , I had relaxed and not worried about it enough.
I had my tubes tied. I went into a deep depression. I think all the stuff I had experienced was now catching up to me I felt so worthless. perhaps the abuse itself was a lot of it. I was able to over come it and go on. I had a feeling we had another baby that needed to come into our home. I had my tubes untied. about 6 years later we had a baby girl. during those 6 years I grew in ways I needed to. This time also became a holy place.
in the mean time we were called upon to take another little boy. when we went to cedar to pick him up he went to my husband like he had been waiting for him. he cuddled up around his neck ( he was 10 months old) . we feel god had prepared that little boy for us.
After we had our little girl we were called upon again to take a little boy when our little girl was just 6 months old. the little boy was 2 months old. This was challenging and as I talked to the d c f s person I told them I’d have to think about it. I hung up the phone and called my husband. he told me to do what ever I felt and I told him I didn’t know. I hung up the phone and prayed and the spirit told me that Heavenly Father wanted me to do this. It would be hard ,but it would be worth it. We decided yes we would take him. It has been hard! he has oppositional defiant disorder and is very trying at times . I become very tired and upset and useless many times. I get wore out trying to do things right and still get him to obey. I try to keep peace in our home and he tries to upset it all. I try to keep things nice and he tries to destroy it. I know God loves this little boy and we try hard to love him and understand his feelings. Things are hard! they are also worth it! He says the cutest things and sings the cutest songs. he has an imagination that blows you away he is smart and can memorize so well. and he can love you like no one else on certain days. On the days he shows his love those are my holy places because it is as if he is saying thank you for taking me and loving me, my sprit is grateful.
All of these kids that we have adopted have been sealed to us. Each time we went to the temple to have this done my heart has been touched in special ways those are my holy places.
You would think this would be enough. the Lord would say ok your done. No, he gave me a son who suffers from diabetes and a son who suffers from drug abuse and has had a car accident that took his life , he was brought back to us. we were so blessed! We go through life every day praying for him and fasting often and hoping he will stay clean and accomplish wonderful things .We also have a daughter who has bi -polar and has been in a car accident( different one from her brother) she had nothing happen to her as that car rolled but she did come out having had a traumatic experience that caused her a lot of hard days. She also has drowned and died and was brought back at age 22 . She has a hard time making good choices and lives a life style not concurrent to the way she has been raised. We love her and are learning to love her in spite of her choices. In the hours and days I suffer in my heart for her I have found holy places.

My husband was diagnosed with chromes disease about 4 years ago and nearly died after a surgery that did nothing for him. His pain was so great he just had decided he was going to give up. I had never prayed so hard, but I prayed for him to live. He re- thought and decided to try harder to get through it. This year he went through another surgery to remove parts of his intestine and colon. It has been a month now and he is still not feeling too great. However he is healing slowly and a lot of blessings have come our way .In his arms I have felt so loved and cannot explain how grateful I am to have him still here. In his arms I have found another holy place as he has, over the years , held me as my heart broke and as I have suffered because of the things I have experienced. My heart is a holy place where Heavenly Father has taught me and loved me and led me . Truly I have many holy places in my life and I am grateful for them.

sincerely, laura

Christ is the sure foundation

2009-08-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Gerilyn, for your honesty and faith. I know Christ will continue to help you as you turn to him.

Kris

***

Throughout this book you told of little insights that you had and how you had to rely on the Savior to help you get back up. You hit on the reality and expectations and what if they don’t match. Well….gee…that is happening to me on a regular basis. But there was one thing that really stuck out because I talked about this with my friend just this morning, but didn’t read this part until this afternoon. You wrote, “Many times, when I have endured something difficult, I worry about what might be coming next, or what I am going to be asked to suffer through tomorrow. It can be so natural to fear the future and the “What-ifs.” But we don’t have to live in fear or dread; there is a better way. That better way is to live in hope—hope in Jesus Christ. I cling to the promise found in Ether 12:4” “Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being let to glorify God.”

Kris, I have a special relationship with that scripture already and about faith being a literal anchor to my Savior. Sometimes I feel that literal anchor…sometimes I don’t and I blow about with every wind that comes. And on the times when I don’t it’s my own fault. I have felt myself blowing about with every wind that comes. Then other times I do ok. But this last year, I have really felt like that smiling clown that you talked about that just keeps getting punched over and over. And I try to get up, but sometimes it’s just been really hard. However, your book gave me the renewed hope and desire to continue to try and to succeed. Thank you so much!

Sincerely,

Gerilyn

Faith in Christ

2009-08-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

Our blog post today comes from a sweet faithful sister in Nevada. Thanks for sharing your faith with us, Gloria.

“I am a convert to the Church. The Church means everything to me.
Before I married, the doctore told me I could never have children. I was devastated. The only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom. After going through all kinds of tests and torture, we finally had four children. When I was pregnant, I was allergic to the baby. The doctor told me I would have a 1% chance of having a normal child. Day in and day out I would plead with the Lord to give me normal children. Then reason would take over and I would only ask that I would be able to accept whatever He sent. Luckily I had four physically normal children.
I've had about 19 surgeries which I won't go into.
Three years ago, in 2006, I had a massive stroke.
It has changed my life completely.
Besides the stroke, I've had 3 mini strokes and over a dozen eye hemorrhages.
So besides being half crippled, I am half blind.
Most of the time I try to look at things on an eternal perspective rather than on an earthly one.
I've had blessings that are awesome and the scriptures have become my friends.
I know Heavenly Father and the Savior love me no matter what physical shape I am in.

****

Each of us can only live a day at a time--sometimes only a minute at a time.

A Sister in Christ,
Gloria

Two of my favorite scriptures are:
Philippians 4:13
Isaiah 41:10”

He will console you

2009-06-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

“BUT behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction. O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever“(Jacob 3:1).

What a beautiful and comforting promise. If you and I are hurting, Christ is the one to hold onto. When we need comfort, consolation, and some one on our side, again, it is Jesus Christ we can turn to. The deep wounds that many feel, and wonder if they’ll ever heal, can be soothed and sometimes removed through the atonement. I’m so grateful for the love of the Savior and for the scriptures which point me continually towards him.

Hold On

2009-06-03T06:14:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have spoken with so many people struggling through major health problems- some even life threatening. Their feelings include: frustration, panic, helplessness, hopelessness fear, faith, hope, trust, and the list goes on. It wrenches my heart to hear the pain in their voices and my prayers are real and sincere for their physical emotional and spiritual strength to be bolstered.

It is so difficult, when our prayers for healing seem unanswered. But, I know those prayers are heard and Father will provide what is best according to his perspective. I wish I could help in some way; however, the best help I can give is to say, “Hold on thy way” (D&C 122:9). When you feel like giving up, turn again to Christ. When you wish some one understood the severity of your pain and suffering, turn again to Christ. He is the only one who knows exactly what you feel. In fact, not only does he know it, he feels it. He is the only way through the fire of affliction. So, hold on my friend. “Hold on thy way”!

Fred's Story

2009-05-14T18:45:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Fred for sharing his testimony of how the Savior helped and healed him through many difficult times. Although not all of us receive the kind of healing which Fred did, we can take courage in his great example of faith as he turned to heaven and his hard times became holy.

“In May 1991 I traveled to Palm Springs, California with a group from work for a national training conference. On the flight from Palm Springs to Las Vegas on the way home, our small plane encountered severe turbulence, making the flight very bumpy and uncomfortable. I started to become dizzy, and my condition worsened to the point that by the time I got home that evening I could hardly stand up. The condition persisted for several days, and I finally went to see my family doctor to see if anything could be done to help me. He sent me to a specialist, who did some testing and then sent me back to my family doctor, who then ordered further testing. After several weeks of continual dizziness I was sent to a neurologist, who gave me the results of the tests and the diagnosis reached from them. He told me I had multiple sclerosis. I was shocked and scared to death. I was 38 years old and had been generally healthy all my life. I went home and cried for a long time, and pled with the Lord not to let this happen to me. I kept asking, “Why me?” I prayed like I had never prayed before, and begged the Lord to let me be healthy again. After some time I felt the peaceful, comforting presence of the Spirit, and my question changed to, “Why not me? Why should I not have to go through any serious trials?” The Spirit whispered to me that everything would be all right, and I knew that somehow it would be.”

“One Sunday shortly thereafter, I was sitting in our Sunday School class thinking about what the future might hold for me. I was sitting alone in the back of the room, not really paying attention to the lesson. Suddenly I felt the urge to read the scriptures. I did not have any idea what I was supposed to be looking for, nor did I know where to start. I just knew there was something I needed to find. I opened the Doctrine and Covenants, which is a book of modern revelations given to the Prophet Joseph Smith and some of the other early leaders of the church. I read Section 122, which tells of the Lord speaking to Joseph while he was in jail. The Lord outlined several experiences which Joseph had had at the hands of his persecutors, and then He said that even if the very jaws of hell should gape open against him, that all of these things would give him experience and would be for his good. I pondered that briefly, but something told me to keep looking. I turned over to Section 121, which tells of Joseph crying out to the Lord from jail, wondering how long the Lord would let His people be persecuted for what they believed. As I turned the pages, verses 7 and 8 seemed to jump off the page at me. As I read those verses I began to cry, because that was the answer the Lord was giving me. He said, “My son, peace be unto thy soul. Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” A warm, comforting feeling came over me and I knew that somehow everything would be all right.”

“As time went on I kept having severe dizzy spells that would leave me unable to work for days at a time. The least little bump or shake would send me into a tailspin, and I had to be very careful about being around people, because friends often come up and pat people on the back or put a hand on their shoulder and gently shake them. People always did those things to me, and I would have to be down for a couple of days afterward. The doctors tried every medication on me that was used to treat dizziness, but nothing worked. A year after I had been given the diagnosis, I was put through the same testing to see what progress the disease was making. This time there was not as much evidence of MS, so the doctor told me I probably had Meniere’s Disease instead, which can have some of the same symptoms but does not degenerate the nervous system. I was somewhat relieved, but I still had the problem.”

“After the original diagnosis I really learned how to pray. I grew to appreciate little things that most people would not even recognize. I grew to know the Savior as I never had before, because I had to depend on Him for the strength to get through this trial. My health deteriorated to the point that I could not do much more than go to work and come home and collapse. I missed being able to do things I had done before, even things like loading the dishwasher and vacuuming the floor, because the motion made me dizzy. I felt that I became a burden on my family, because they had to pick up the slack. My sons learned how to change the oil in the cars and do some of the other chores around the house, and everyone seemed to realize ands accept the fact that I would not be able to do those little things anymore. At times I allowed myself to become discouraged and to feel that there was not going to be much excitement in my life anymore. But I printed up a poster of those verses from the Doctrine and Covenants and put it on the refrigerator where I could see it every day. Those few words gave my life purpose and hope.”

“In March 1996 a co-worker told me of a lady she knew who had Meniere’s Disease, and she had found a treatment that really worked and made it so she was not dizzy anymore. I went and met this lady and she told me of the remedy. It was ginger root, taken in capsule form with each meal. I bought some and started taking it, and within a couple of days I wasn’t dizzy anymore. I felt like a new man, and I was able to do things I had not done in years. My doctors could hardly believe the effect it had on me. Over the next 4½ months I lost 16 pounds, just because I was more active. I was so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to find this help in my life and letting me be well once again.”

“At the end of July 1996, however, I was again stricken with a severe dizzy spell. All of a sudden one day, the ginger root did not work anymore. I was very depressed, and I prayed fervently that I would be able to enjoy good health once again. After two weeks, as I was praying one evening, the Spirit spoke to me very plainly and said, “Just look at what you were able to do in those 4½ months.” The first thing I thought of was a tape I had made containing three talks about my testimony and the events I had experienced with my health up to that time. I had given out about 75 copies of that tape to friends and family members. The Spirit spoke once again, saying, “You will never know how many lives have been touched by the experiences you had.” I thought about that for a moment, and then I said, “Thy will be done, Father. Just give me the strength to get through it.”

“I called my neurologist, who phoned in a prescription for me because there was not an opening for an appointment right away. The medication was one I had tried a few times before, and it still did not work for me. I went to see my family doctor, who gave me a prescription for a new medication I had not tried before. It did not work either. I tried a couple of times to go to work, but the motion of looking back and forth from the paperwork on my desk to the computer monitor made me very dizzy, and I was only able to work an hour or two at a time. I was then told that the first specialist I had gone to when I began having problems in 1991 specialized in Meniere’s Disease. I called and got an appointment with him, and as he looked over my chart and the results of the testing done in 1991, he said those tests indicated that I did not have Meniere’s Disease, but that it was multiple sclerosis. He sent me for further testing, and the results of those tests ruled out both illnesses. I underwent much more extensive testing to try to determine the nature of the problem, but those tests ruled out everything the doctors thought it might be. I lost my sense of equilibrium to the point that I was unable even just to stand upright without assistance, because I would fall over. I walked with a cane to help me keep my balance, and if I stood I had to lean or hold onto something to keep from falling. But the Spirit gave me the strength to deal with my situation with the knowledge that this life is very short, and I would be able to overcome this obstacle in the next life, if not sooner. I often thought of those verses in Section 121, and I reminded myself that not all foes are tangible, and that my eternal reward would be determined by the way I dealt with this situation.”

“One day, as I was on my way home from some testing, I stopped in to see my parents. As I was giving my mother a hug she became emotional, as any mother would who had a child in similar circumstances. I told her not to cry, that I was okay. I may not move very fast, but I am strong spiritually and I know I will be able to overcome this problem at some point in the future. Until that time I will do my best to do whatever I can, and I know the Lord will bless me for my efforts.”

“Early in the spring of 1997 it became necessary for me to apply for a disability retirement from my job. I had not been able to work since the previous July, but the doctors were not willing to approve my disability application until they had exhausted all possibilities of treatment. I was disappointed that I was not able to continue working, but I felt my Father’s loving arms around me many times, telling me that everything will be all right. My family was very supportive and tried to help me whenever they could. One day when I was feeling as if I were a burden on them, my son, Brian, who was 17 at the “time, said, “If it were someone else it might be a burden, but you are my dad, so it isn’t.”
*****

Following many other personal and family trials, Fred continues:

“On September 21, 1999 I enjoyed one of the most wonderful, most meaningful experiences of my entire life. One of my dearest friends had been recommending for several years that I visit a man in St. George who had given him a lot of help with his health problems. I had not felt yet that that was what I wanted to do, but I told him that maybe I would be interested at some point in the future. One day my friend loaned me a copy of a booklet this wonderful man, Jan Graf, had written, and I told him I would read it. I brought it home, glanced briefly at the first page, and set it down, thinking I would read it another time. A week and a half later as I was cleaning off the table where I had set it, I came across it and thought I should hurry and read it and give it back to my friend. I opened it and began reading, and by the time I finished it I was sobbing in tears. I set the booklet down and called to make an appointment. During the appointment I became aware of a lot of things that had happened in the past, about which I had built up negative feelings. Many of the things I knew had caused me to have negative feelings, but many I did not. I was able to go through a very thorough forgiveness process, forgiving the other people involved in the experiences which had caused me to have the negative feelings, and forgiving myself for having had the feelings. After all the negative energy was released through the forgiveness I got up to leave the office. I had my cane because I had used it on the way in, but as I was standing at the receptionist’s desk I became aware that I was not wobbling. I was still a little bit unsteady on my feet without it, but I knew I didn’t need to use it. I had the cane in my hand but was just going through the motions of using it, mainly out of the habit acquired over the previous 8½ years. Within a few minutes I set it down and have not used it since. When I got home that night I took my things out of my van, set my cane on top of the pile, and walked into the house carrying all of it. My wife and daughter were sitting in the living room, and as I came bounding up the stairs with both hands full, carrying my cane, they were astonished. I danced around the room and turned circles for them, and none of us could believe it. I have spent a lot of time since then dancing, jumping, running, skipping, and thoroughly enjoying life. I literally danced in the streets for a long time. I have also spent a lot of time crying tears of joy and gratitude, and saying many prayers of thanks to the Lord. People who have seen me have not believed the difference in the way I get around, and I have been able to do things I had not done in years. I leaned my cane and my expired handicapped license plate against the fireplace screen in our living room as a constant reminder of the tremendous blessings that have come into my life. It makes me cry when I see them and think about the things that have happened, and I have to thank the Lord again for the many blessings He has given me. I want to keep the memories fresh in my mind so I won’t take anything for granted anymore. Forgiveness truly does work miracles.”

Your Invitation

2008-11-25T13:21:00.000-08:00

Throughout my life, I have dealt with a myriad of physical problems which have overwhelmed and taxed me to my very limit. However, nothing I have experienced can compare to the life threatening situation I found myself engulfed in five years ago.
My vision had begun to fade, and I searched for the reason why. To my horror, it was cancer. This was not the reason I had expected, and it definitely wasn’t what I wanted. This deadly disease had scarred my past, and now it was consuming my present. Because of a tumor on my optic nerve, my world was growing darker and darker, and I feared my eyesight would fail completely. Still, I hoped; I hoped that, through surgery and the power of God, my life would be spared and that my sight would be restored.
The hunt began to eradicate this horrible disease. Five major surgeries within the space of five months left me physically and emotionally devastated. I had never experienced something this tragic. It seemed the misery and trauma would never have an end. Finally, the team of surgeons pronounced that, as far as they knew, they had removed all the cancer. My life had been saved. However, my vision had not. I was completely blind. I would have to live the rest of my life in total darkness.
The months following the surgeries and my subsequent blindness were horrendous. I had fought to save my life, yet I didn’t want to live like this – but, there I was. Slowly, with the help of a loving family, friends and my Heavenly Father, I made my way through the horrible recovery and difficult adjustment to my new way of living.
Now that I am five years removed from the initial trauma, I am able to look back, and see, so to speak, the Lord’s loving hand throughout the whole experience. I see that he heard my literal cries for help, courage and comfort. I see that he guided me in the many difficult decisions I had to make. I can see that he sent me to a loving family who cared and served unceasingly for me. I can see that he sent members of my ward to me who served as angels with true charity. I see that I grew closer to my husband and that together we grew closer to Christ and to the Father.
This was a horrible and devastating time in my life, yet, it was also spotted with times of holiness and spiritual strengthening. I do not wish to go through the entire trauma and pain again; however, I am grateful to have had those times of holiness. I now think of those moments as my “holy places.”
I am coming to realize, that everyday life offers many opportunities for me to “stand in holy places” even when I’m not in places I typically think of as holy. Trials and difficulties can, if we let them, become holy places; places where we can commune with the Father through the Spirit; places where we can feel the power of the Atonement in our lives. Our personal hard times can become our personal holy places. Such holy places will, through the power of Christ, provide purifying and refining for our souls. Our struggles can be consecrated to our good and growth, and you and I can become more like Christ.
In my book, “Hard Times and Holy Places”, I share many of the agonizing struggles I have experienced, and the earthly and heavenly help I have received. Now, I invite you to share your story. How have you seen your hard times become holy places in your life? Please do not share personal sin or that of others, but relate those sweet experiences which helped you endure adversity or tragedy. How have difficulties and trials made you stronger? How have you seen the hand of Christ in your life?
Please email me with your experiences, and I will share as many of them on this site as possible. In this way, I hope we can all be lifted by one another and, together create many more holy places.